Wow, I Must Be Important!

Thursday November 20th, 2008 - Chicago, IL

Just when I thought nothing could surprise me I woke up to a phone call telling me my comedy students’ mailing list had been hacked into by The Embezzler. How the hell did that happen? I don’t know but it did. Sure enough I signed online and saw his little note.

Wow, I must be pretty important if some former business associate (and a piss poor one at that) has to break into my new mailing list (he stole the old one) and shoot off some big rambling diatribe about how I’m a pathological liar and he just ‘borrowed’ our money etc.

I didn’t read the whole thing because I didn’t have to. It just would have made me upset and who wants to get upset five minutes after waking up in the morning? Not me. I’ve got enough problems to last the entire day. I don’t need a big one in the face upon awakening.

This really put me in a different space mentally. I looked at how all this is going on and I completely lost all anger about this. I must say I was getting into a danger zone and very concerned about it. I am very careful about how I use the word ‘hate’ because I think that word is very powerful and should be used with caution. But I was starting to hate the guy.

I was upset with myself for doing it but I have to be truthful and say I really was starting to hate him for what he was doing to all I’ve worked so hard to achieve. Then I looked at how desperate he was to get a message to my students about what a good person he is but I need mental help and I just pitied him. What a sad attempt to justify himself and his life.

He apparently also got a call from Jay Leno as did the guy who wrote for Jay. The way he made it sound all three of them were laughing at me for what a pathetic case I was and how the story of my insanity is ‘spreading all around NBC’ and how Jay was saying how I was ‘hurting myself in show business’ and blah blah blah. I just stopped reading there.

Is any of that stuff true? Maybe some. Maybe all. Maybe none. I’m not going to even be concerned about any of it. I talked to Jay personally on the phone. I have nothing negative to say about him and never will. If he thinks I’m a flaming bilge hole that’s his right. But I doubt if I’m a blip on his radar or ever was. He’s got a lot bigger things to think about.

If my name is ‘spreading around NBC’ like he says at least they’ll have something new to talk about. I hope it’s a good diversion. I am already not working at NBC so it doesn’t really affect my life in the immediate future. If I burned that bridge it‘s not a life ender.

None of this makes any sense to me. I’m the first one to admit loudly that I’m a moody artist type and have the PERCEPTION of being difficult to deal with at times. That’s only from idiots though. Those who I mesh with love working with me and we don’t clash.

Perception is reality in many cases though and many times I’ve had to fight out of a bad perception right upon meeting someone because they’d heard stories about me. Whatever. Usually I can win them over within five minutes and after that there’s no problem at all.

If NBC is going to ban me by a story they heard third hand then sobeit. I guess I didn’t want to work there anyway. The same with Bob and Tom. If they’re going to kick me out of the studio for something I still don’t know what I did then I guess they’re the problem. I am a super nice guy and go out of my way to do whatever I need to to help any situation.

Why is any of this even coming up? If it’s me or something I did I’m truly sorry but I am having a hard time seeing what it is. If I was wrong I’d admit it and apologize and also try to improve myself so I wouldn’t do it again but in these cases I’m stumped as to why it is.

I’d love to be writing about how Jay Leno made some calls and heard I was not only an ass kicking comic but also a fantastic person too. There are a lot of people that happen to think that but none of them work at NBC apparently according to this latest news flash.

I’d also love to be back on the Bob and Tom show too. I would be great for those tours and be a super guy to work with both with comics and with fans too. I can’t force anyone to like me and I do try to be nice but sometimes I just clash with idiots. It’s not new at all. I’ve been a polarizer since childhood. Those who like me really do and vice versa too.

I’m sure that has to do with why I’m not farther along in show business. Political skills are very important and mine are very sub par. I’m getting better but that’s not going to be good enough. I need to improve dramatically. Jay Leno is a master politician and has been for years. That’s a compliment. He can do great comedy but his people skills are superb.

Mine are so-so at best. I love to be around people I like but don’t hide it very well at all if I don’t like or respect someone. To me that’s a time waster. I’d rather we cut the B.S. as soon as we realize we’re not meshing and both move on and find those we match with on some level. I’m totally fine with it if someone thinks I’m an ass but then don’t hang out.

I don’t blame anyone but myself for most of my situation. I could and should have gone to Los Angeles and stayed there if I wanted to be a player in the comedy business. Instead I rolled the dice with radio and roamed all over the country trying to find my niche there.

That never happened and now at my age moving to L.A. would be a waste of time. I am not what Hollywood is looking for and I know it. But I’m ok with it where I sit now. I am comfortable in my skin and will be happy to get steady work and have some fun with this whole King of Uranus concept. If that hits I’ll get calls from Bob and Tom and Jay too.

I did get some calls and wonderfully uplifting emails from a whole lot of people today. I was blown away by both the number and the depth of feeling in all of them. I sure am in a state of extreme wealth when it comes to friends and I’m grateful for every one of them. I was very moved by some of the emails I received today to the point of tears. Thank you.

This whole thing is now over in my eyes. If I’m a laughing stock who cares? I don’t. I’ll keep doing what I’m doing because I love it. I also love the people I’m doing it all with. If I keep letting my talent and abilities take center stage the wannabes can’t follow me there.