Awow With Now

Tuesday March 1st, 2011 - Kenosha, WI/Fox Lake, IL

   OK, Mr. Genius - start working that magic. I’m finally home, and I’ve been bitching for weeks that this is where I want to be. Here I am, no more excuses. I’m able to see things a lot clearer than I ever have, and one thing I can see that’s of ultimate importance is ‘now’.

   Who hasn’t vowed to stop smoking or start exercising or whatever the task at hand is on some ‘round number’ day in the far off future like a birthday or New Year‘s Day? Not so. If any of us are going to do anything, it’s going to be NOW. Today. No other day matters.

   If all of us did the best we could do EVERY SINGLE DAY, and started it at the earliest age possible - think of the stunning miracles we could all pull off both as individuals and as a human race. Being in top notch mental and/or physical shape requires a conditioning process, and that’s a matter of making personal choices to be in a position to make it so.

   I’m going to be 48 years old two weeks from today, and I’ve blown it on so many levels it shames me to even think about it. But it’s true. Had I thought about a lot of these things at 18 or 28 rather than 48, I’d be in a hell of a position right now for a spectacular payoff.

   Maybe I still am, but then again maybe it’s too late. I’ll see improvements because I am consciously looking to improve every part of my life, but as far as having made choices to have been proud of now, I totally didn’t. Now it’s a matter of salvaging all the wreckage.

   I think most people are in a similar situation. Everyone has some things they’d like back to do over again, but I’m talking about making smart consistent choices in life day in and day out, year in and year out. These are the ones who wind up to be life’s biggest winners.

   It’s unpopular, uncommon and just plain difficult to make those kinds of solid choices over and over for an entire lifetime. Very few people I can think of have done it. Who’s a person that pops into mind? I’d have to say Jack LaLanne. He kept himself in A-1 shape in all aspects of his life, and he lived an extra long one full of successes on every level.

   Physical fitness is so important, but who thinks about it in our teens and twenties? It’s a non issue, and everything just works out. Then, by the time healthiness starts to become a concern, we’ve already been neglecting our bodies for years. That’s where most of us are. Doing a few sit ups or arm circles isn’t going to make up for a lifetime of lard and sugar.

   Intellectual growth is another thing that’s easy to overlook. Do we REALLY challenge ourselves with reading books and ideas by people who stimulate our thinking or are we a bunch of mouth breathing Cheeto eaters rotting on recliners staring at ‘American Idol‘?

   I’m guilty of all these crimes, and I’m embarrassed. I see how much I’ve let slide over a lifetime, and I’m the only one that got cheated. Yes, I did a lot more than most ever try on some levels, but as a whole I’m completely dissatisfied with where I am in life and how it got to be this way. The good thing is, I can change some of it and now’s the time to do it.

   It would be easy to sit and beat myself up for all the things I’ve blown in life, but that’s not going to change the fact that what’s done is done. What do I have to start building on? There’s only one thing - NOW. Today. If I handle my todays, my tomorrows will be fine.

   I decided to get a hotel room in Kenosha, WI because I had some business errands to do in Milwaukee and it would make the drive shorter. There’s a reasonable clean place right off Highway 50 that used to be a Knight’s Inn. I’ve stayed there before and not only is it a decent place, the day clerk when I check out is a knockout brunette named Nancy. Wow.

   She was there again today, and I flirted with her for a few minutes as I was checking out and waiting for my receipt. She isn’t wearing any rings, but I’m bad at all that stuff. I love the company of women, and I blew so many chances with so many great ladies because of my own shortcomings. I was busy dealing with a lot of issues and wasn’t ready for love.

   I know that sounds corny and altruistic, but it’s true. Sex and love aren’t the same thing. I was so hurt and empty by my mother leaving when I was a baby and then getting raised by a icebergian German grandmother, it’s a miracle I’m not working at a gay bath house.

   Putting a wife through the show business lifestyle is something I just wasn’t going to do for years and years. Kids were out of the question. I had so many of my own issues from a miserable childhood to deal with, I knew I wasn’t in a position to be in charge of my own family. It made for a lot of lonely years, but at least I don’t have any divorces to pay for.

   I doubt if I could have paid for them anyway. I was barely able to keep my own life in a position to survive, how could I have provided for a wife and kids? I knew I couldn’t, and didn’t pursue any close relationships because I didn’t want to mess up anyone else’s life.

   Now, I’ve got a whole different perspective. I see the BS of show business and also the unfairness of it all, and it doesn’t intimidate me in the least. I know I made a big batch of my own mistakes too, and adding all that together makes me see why I’ve ended up here.

   I’m fine with that though. I sure did learn a lot, and even though I made some extremely stupid decisions, I could have made a lot worse ones that would have really torn me a new bung hole and not let me come as far as I have. I screwed up, but I’m not out of the game.

   I still have some great friends, and I still have an opportunity to work being a comedian, something I love to do more than anything else. But, I’ve got a few bucks put away and it will allow me to take the next few months and work on things I’ve let go in the past. That could allow me to grow in all kinds of new ways, and a year from now could be amazing.

   There’s another danger - getting lost in the future. I think I did that a little back when I started, and I thought things would all just work themselves out. Wrong again. NOW is the only time any of us have, and that can disappear faster than we can grasp. I’ve got two weeks until my birthday, but NOW is when I’m starting to make these healthy changes.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary