Friday March 25th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL/Chicago, IL Time to make some hard decisions. I’ve pecked away a little at all the projects I’ve said I want to tackle this year, but the progress is just not enough. I need to improve by a lot if I’m going to make any progress with anything. I’ll have to fire myself up, or fire myself. One of the major downsides of self employment is that there can be too much freedom, and that can do just as much or more damage as not enough. If I went to work at Wendy’s and wasn’t cranking out enough burgers per hour, I might get a warning but eventually I’d be shown the door. There’s an expectation level there, and they have the right to set one. I have an absolutely enormous expectation level set for myself, but the problem is it can be overwhelming at times. I’m trying to build a skyscraper by myself with popsicle sticks, and that’s just not realistic. I have to take proper steps in proper order, make up a tangible plan of action and actually follow it day in and day out until what I envision comes to be. That’s really tough to pull off, especially alone, and it’s impossible to pull off without a fully detailed plan. I’ve gotten better at my planning in the last year or so, especially when I was out working the cruise ships. I’ve got a nice outline laid out, but it’s still not there. Here it is, almost the end of the first quarter already and what have I done? Not a whole lot, and nowhere near what I thought I’d have done by now. Things do get in the way and there are legitimate reasons as to why I’m behind, but not one of them are and excuse and I refuse to settle for the piss poor progress I’m making. Time to kick it in the ass. Today. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be living all of my dreams right now. I’ve pissed away so much of my life making mistakes and dealing with my own stupidity that I’ve left myself precious little time to make something good happen. Many of those mistakes have taught me valuable lessons, and now I’d like to try success for a while and see how that fits me. I’m very disappointed with my level of achievement, not only for my whole life to date but for this year especially. I’ve got to get organized and get others working with me on a team basis if I’m ever going to move past the level of bottom feeder scavenger that I am. I don’t want to be at this level anymore, but I also don’t want to have to be a full blown 100% all beef class A New York Style wankeroo either. My grandpa always told me the most difficult challenge in life is to be a good person and a success. It’s the golden ring. Well, that’s exactly what I’m shooting for. I know me and I wouldn’t be satisfied with anything less than the most difficult anyway so why hide it anymore? Failure I can take, not giving maximum effort I can’t. I know I can do better, and I need to start right now. I will begin immediately to improve myself on every level and make plans to do it on a bigger scale and with other people involved on the team. Between Uranus Factory Outlet, comedy, comedy classes, exercising and organizing, I’ve got plenty to occupy my time.
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