Payback And Pig Meat

Wednesday May 6th, 2009 - Little Rock, AR/Lake Villa, IL

Paybacks don’t always have to be a bitch. Today I was able to do a favor for someone in my life who has done countless favors for me. We’re not even close to being even but I’m at least making an effort so that feels good. Any time I can help someone out I try to do it.

Bert Haas has been beyond great to me for almost twenty years now. He books all three Zanies clubs in the Chicago area and I’ve become one of their main acts. If it wasn’t for a strong relationship with Zanies I would be a lot worse off than I am now and I don’t know if I could have hung in there and done comedy this long. Zanies has paid a lot of my bills.

Sometimes things just work out and this situation has been one of the best opportunities I’ve ever had in my professional experience. It’s gone way past a professional relationship and has become down right family. Actually my Zanies connection is closer than family.

I’ve become close friends with all the Zanies staff over the years at all the clubs. I’m on a different level than just another comedian and I’ve always appreciated it. Bert Haas has invited me to come over on Christmas and Thanksgiving and Easter and I’ve watched his three wonderful kids grow up since they were born. Bert has become more than a booker.

I consider Bert a friend first and a booker second. I love working for Zanies but I’d still be his friend even if I didn’t. I know there has been some jealousy in the past between the other comics in town who don’t work for Zanies and me but that’s just how it goes. I can think of other comedians in other towns that have a similar bond. It’s just how it works.

No comedian works for every club. It just doesn’t happen like that. Is it fair? No, but is anything in this life fair? Do some children get favored treatment over others by parents? Yup. That’s not fair either but that’s how it goes. I am one of Zanies’ favorite children.

I don’t take it for granted and no matter what anyone thinks I don’t abuse it. I try to be a nice guy whenever I can and I’ve suggested countless people to Bert for bookings and it’s been very productive at times. At other times I don’t always agree with his choices but he does what he does and I respect his right to do it. He’s very fair and has a heart inside.

Many comedians speak ill of Bert or any booker who doesn’t book that particular act. It goes with the territory. Comedy is subjective and bookers are going to use who they want and often times it’s not just who the funniest performers are. There are politics as well.

All politics were aside today as I got on a plane with Bert at 8am headed for Little Rock to pick up his father’s car. His father is 85 and has some health issues and had to come up to Chicago so he could be closer to the kids and make it easier for them to care for him.

Bert needed to get the car to Chicago and asked if I’d mind helping drive it back. Mind? Of course I don’t mind. I owe him a ton of favors and this was easy. If there’s one thing I know how to do it’s drive a car on a long trip. He couldn’t have asked for a better choice.
We got down to Little Rock at 10am and it was pouring rain. Bert said he was just there the day before to fly his dad home and it was sunny and perfect. Of course it was. Then he said “Oh yeah, I forgot. I’m traveling with Mr. Lucky.” We laughed and went to a shuttle location to get ourselves to Hot Springs where the car was. That was about an hour away.

Our shuttle driver was Nigerian and actually a very nice guy. He’s been here twenty-two years and runs his own business and was very pleasant at first but when we started talking about Nigeria he started to raise his voice and get angry and go off on how Europeans had corrupted and ruined everything. He was really going at it and I thought he might flip out.

We were on a two lane road in a pounding rain in the middle of Arkansas with an out of control Nigerian who could have taken out his revenge on us ‘Eu-ROPE-ans’ as he would pronounce it. There were about ten minutes of rage and we let him go but then after that it was back to normal and he was very pleasant again. He was very entertaining to listen to.

He dropped us off at the storage place where the car was and Bert paid the bill and then we loaded up the back with as much stuff as would fit and we headed to a barbecue place called ‘Stubby’s’. Bert told me about it and actually used it as bait to get me to drive with him. He knows I love barbecue but he also knows I would have helped him out anyway.

But since this extra perk was included why complain? We got out of the car and I stood there and sniffed in the fumes for two minutes. I think I got a buzz from it. Wow, was that some kick ass pig meat. Outstanding! We had the combo platter which should have come with a coupon for ten bucks off an angioplasty. It was piled high with nothing but meat.

Then we got two sides and I took beans and potato salad. Good barbecue joints have the whole package. The meat is king but the sides make the total experience. This place had it all. The potato salad was fresh and the meat was absolutely killer but the beef brisket was especially awesome. I think it was right up there with one of the best meals I’ve ever had.

The owner was a guy around my age and he said his family bought the business back in the ‘70s but it had been going since 1952. I can see why. That meal alone made the drive worth it but it was a lot more than that. Bert needed a favor and he’s always been there for me so I wanted to be able to do something to pay him back. I wanted to be a good friend.

We didn’t overstuff ourselves because we were driving and we got to go boxes and left at about 2:30. After an oil change and a quick stop at the bank we were on the road home by right around 3 o’clock. I took the first turn behind the wheel and we started driving.

We’ve known each other for many years so we had a lot of things to talk about. It was a very pleasant drive and we didn’t get negative or down or anything but just talk about life and all that goes with it. Miles kept piling up and before long we were back in Chicago.

I drove the whole way but that wasn’t the plan. It just worked out that way. The trip was easy and Bert was grateful but I’m the one who should thank him. It felt good to help out.