Passing On The Packers

Monday November 23rd, 2009 - Chicago, IL

The Green Bay Packers are doing it to me again. They’re playing with my heart and my head after I’d written them off a few weeks ago when they got embarrassed in Tampa. It’s an unhealthy dysfunctional relationship and I want out, but I just can’t cut myself loose.

Since Tampa they won a big game against the Dallas Cowboys and yesterday they were able to squeak by the San Francisco 49ers. I didn’t watch either game but I did hear about both of them and it almost gave me some hope that they were starting to show some life.

Today I heard they lost two Pro Bowl defensive players for the season in Al Harris and Aaron Kampman and it again started to grind on my psyche. Those two players were very solid and it could hurt the team’s chances of going very far this year but why does it have any affect on me? I wish I knew. I can’t believe I’m still this hooked on a football team.

Whatever part of the human experience the NFL taps into is where I want to set up shop with whatever I’m selling. It’s all I can do to avoid watching the games, but I feel I can do a lot more productive things with three hours on a Sunday than pin my hopes and dreams on a bunch of inconsistent imbeciles who make their millions off of needy nerds like me.

I want to make my own millions and win my own personal Super Bowl in life. Victory has got to be sweeter when it’s earned by an individual and not lived vicariously through a bunch of athletes wearing a uniform of a place most if not all of them aren’t even from.

Al Harris and Aaron Kampman aren’t from Wisconsin. They didn’t have to sit through a bunch of horrific losing seasons in the ’70s and ’80s like I did. They got to step right in and start collecting a heaping paycheck because millions of marbleheads like me watched them and cared deeply whether they won or lost. This is really stupid and I’m sick of it.

I feel like an alcoholic trying to fool himself into having only one drink. Three six packs later, the paramedics are peeling him off his steering wheel. That’s what I’m feeling about all this. I think the best thing to do is stay away from it all and work on productive things.

Even if the Packers win the Super Bowl this year, (which they won’t, but I’m still in the delusional state that they might) how does that make my life better? I’ll have to buy every cap and t-shirt and chatchke out there and it will end up costing me a ton of money. If I’m smart, I’ll be relieved when they’re snuffed out like a candle, but I’ve seldom been smart.

This is a real tweak with me, but I know I’m not alone. Look at the millions of fanatical soccer fans down in South America who live and die by their team’s fortunes. Nobody up here gives a picture of a rat’s ass about soccer, but they’re hooked even worse than I am.

Winning in one’s own life is the ultimate challenge, and that’s the Super Bowl victory I want to experience. There won’t be any parades or trophies, but the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment will make up for it. At least I hope so. I’m through wasting Sundays.