Friday March 2nd, 2012 - Canton, OH “Is the nightmare black, or are the windows painted?” That’s a very clever line I always liked from the song ’Madman Across The Water’ by Elton John. Bernie Taupin writes the lyrics for most of Elton’s songs, and he’s a brilliant creator of vividly descriptive images. I don’t think I’m coming close to accurately describing the torturous nature of what I’m going through this week, and I just want it to be over. Life is continuously alternating ups and downs, and it never stays the same in any way for too long. That’s what’s keeping me going, as I sure am in a rut. The harder I try to get out of that rut, the deeper down I sink. Today I started my trip home, resigning myself to the fact I would be in for another long and painful drive. The bright spot was that I was going home, and even though I was out a pile of money and gas prices were rising by the hour. Time to lick wounds and start over. I feel like Wile E. Coyote hobbling dejectedly back to the drawing board after his latest cockamamie concoction of Acme products exploded in his face. There’s no Road Runner to show for his efforts, only scorch marks and a big shredded heap of smoldering rubble. That’s how I feel right about now. I suppose if Wile E. Coyote has all that money to buy the Acme products he uses to chase the Road Runner over and over again, he could afford to buy a meal instead. But he doesn’t want a pizza - he wants the thrill of making the kill. I know that’s what I want. My personal Road Runner is the entertainment business. I’ve spent years and years trying to get myself in a place where I can make the kill, but it’s not a guarantee and that scares me. The Road Runner is quick and elusive, and so is my prey. I’ve said it so many times, I’m sick of hearing it. All I want is a core fan base that I can count on to come see what I do. I want it to be enough to make a decent living, and I have extremely low standards. Maybe that’s my problem. Am I aiming too low? That could be. I know in my heart of hearts if Jeff Foxworthy called tomorrow and asked me to go out on some dates with the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, I wouldn’t embarrass myself by a long shot. Those audiences might not know me - yet, but I would be able to deliver the goods. The Bob and Tom tour would have been perfect for me too. I would have knocked it out of the park night after night, but that’s never going to happen for reasons I’m still not sure of exactly. They don’t like me personally, and there’s nothing I can do. That‘s their call. All I need is a chance on the big stage somewhere. I’ll deliver. I’m SO ready. What I’m not ready for is having to keep making 750 mile drives through pounding rain storms with no gig at the other end of the drive like this week. It’s enough to kill my spirits, and if I’m not careful it totally will. I’m out of money, out of patience and my self esteem is about as low as it can get. And twelve hours alone in a car driving through mountains in the rain is not going to turn things around. I sure could use a pleasant surprise. Hear that, universe?
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