The Lone Rager

Saturday December 22nd, 2007 - Peru, IL/Lake Villa, IL

And then it went black. I am so angry right now I can’t put it into words. I’d type it out on the keyboard of my trusty computer but I just had that stolen out of my car while I was performing in Peru, IL this evening. Now I have to hand write my feelings or I’ll choke an innocent bystander and that’s not right. What pathetic excuse for a human robs from ME?

I’m about as low on the food chain as it gets. Stealing from me is like stomping all of the people at the nursing home. Yes, you can do it without much trouble but what if anything does it really prove? Exactly. NOTHING. Some lowlife bag of pig snot now has all of my hopes and dreams on a computer that he’s probably going to sell for $20 to score crack.

I have been the king of getting things stolen from me my entire life. As a kid I lost bikes and toys and lunch money and everything that could be lifted. As I grew older it’s been all kinds of stuff from cars to collectibles to cash for my rent. I have had unimaginable timing and this was yet another example. I’ll never get it back and this will really set me back for a while because that computer had EVERYTHING that has been important to me in life.

It was just refurbished too and that cost me over $500. I had a backup done but it was in the computer bag because I was going to drop it off at my friend Jerry Agar’s house so I’d be able to protect myself in case ‘something should happen’. Little did I know tonight was that night. I can replay it in my head all I want but the damage is done and I am screwed.

The show tonight was really good too. I worked a place called ‘The Super Bowl’ which has been doing comedy for about 18 years. They have a nice lounge that seats maybe 300 in a bowling alley and they draw a good comedy crowd. I was feeling the holiday blahs so I gave it an extra blast of energy and blew the roof off the joint. It felt good to tear it up.

After the show I hung out and shook hands and signed autographs and sold a bunch of cds and actually felt pretty good. The owner is a very nice guy and he said how much they would like to have me back and I could name the date. It feels great to be wanted and the whole night put a perk in my step. Then I walked outside and saw that someone just had a window broken out of their car. They had just been at the show and they were very angry.

There were two couples and one of the women said ‘Looks like WE’RE Mr. Lucky now unfortunately’ as I walked by. I was very sorry to see it and told them that but I’ve been in that situation so often myself I know it’s just best to leave it alone. I walked away quietly.

Then I drove to the hotel to check in so I could get caught up on my huge pile of emails I have been neglecting lately. I was in a fantastic mood and was planning on staying up for a few hours and knocking out some typing. I opened the back door of my car to get all my luggage and that’s when I discovered my computer was gone. I immediately felt that deep sick feeling in my stomach that I’ve felt so many times before. The joke’s on ME. Again. I immediately got back in the car and headed straight back to the club and I saw a police car already there. The four people were just finishing up their report and then I started mine.

I told the four people that I had lost my computer and it kind of made it better. At least I wasn’t the only one and neither were they. They weren’t sure what they lost if anything at all. They were mainly reporting the broken window damage. I had all my windows but not my computer. I would have broken my own windows if I could get that computer back.

By now the owner and the staff were all outside because they had heard there was some trouble in the parking lot. Peru, IL isn’t that big of a town so I guess it was news. I had to give the story to the cop who was about 22 and brand new. He took my driver’s license to run ME through the computer first to make sure I didn’t have any outstanding warrants.

That infuriated me even more and he had the bedside manner of Dr. Frankenstein. There was NO sympathy other than ‘Yeah, kind of sucks don’t it?’ He then took my info and got my name wrong about six times and misspelled half the words on the report too. I tried to keep my cool and it was very tough. For all I know HE was the one who broke in the cars.

What really stinks about all this is that I had the backup right there in the computer bag. I know that’s not smart but it was only for an hour or so. I usually NEVER leave a laptop in the car but it was very cold and I figured if I put it in the trunk it would make it freeze. I wasn’t really thinking about theft and of course tonight was the night for the grim reaper.

It’s a good thing I didn’t catch whoever did it because I would be in jail right now for an extremely violent beating fatality or dead myself. There is a rage inside me that has faded a little over the years but I know it’s still there. It’s in everyone but very few ever get to it. I have tried my whole life to get away from it but things like this happen and it’s not easy.

Who wouldn’t be upset in a situation like this? Yes I know I should have taken the thing out of the car and put it in the trunk. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. I didn’t and now it’s gone. I will never get it back and I have to start ALL over. My entire act was typed out as was a complete history of my comedy class worksheets that took 15 years to perfect as was a list of ALL my comedy connections and numbers for bookings. And now it’s gone forever for no real reason and the backup I made so this wouldn’t happen is also gone. I feel raped.

The thing that hurts the worst is that I had all of my notes for Uranus Factory Outlet in a file. I have worked daily since I had the idea on September 1st and I was very proud that it was starting to take shape. I had all my contacts and ideas for products and now I am back to square one on everything. I know my act but I was working on a lot of new stuff. I can get the comedy contacts back but that will take months. It’s all going to be a giant hassle.

I’m about all out of ‘hang in theres’ and ‘it’ll get better, you waits’. I am at the edge of a cliff and I feel that something like this could push me over the edge. I feel a deep rage and pure anger and I don’t like feeling that but I have to admit that I do. I don’t look to rob or cheat people and when it happens to me I get furious because I don’t think like they do.

I’ve been down and out before and I’ve been screwed like this before. I don’t like it but I can recover from this. What I don’t know is if I can get over the hump of my inner rage.