Of One Accord

Saturday December 8th, 2007 - Chicago, IL/Lake Villa, IL

What’s one of the last things I need right now? Another car. And what did I get up way too early for in way too cold of weather in order to buy? Bingo. I’m the proud new owner of yet another Waukegan Auto Auction special. I braved the subarctic icy temperatures to find a sweet little ’94 Honda Accord with 117,000 miles on it. It’s a cherry so I bought it.

I’ve been to the auction so many times that I know what to look for. This had all of the signs of a good deal and my gut feeling said buy it so I did. It was the first car on the line and it was also after a snowstorm. Those are both positives because people don’t bid high as a rule for the opening car or in a snowstorm. Plus it just got donated and was fresh tin.

Sometimes the cars run through a few times before they’re sold. This was a new one and Hondas are always a good buy. It looks and runs great and the miles being low made it my car of choice. It’s an automatic and all the lights work and there are no cracks in the glass. If I’m going to put money into a car this would be one that has the best chance to pay off.

I really like the Mitsubishi but to put $625 into it now might not be a good gamble. I like driving it and it’s given me no problems at all but the smart thing to do is put it right back through the auction and get some money back out of it while I still can. That’s what I’ll do with both that one and the other Honda I was going to sell Jerry Agar. He doesn’t need it right now and it’s just taking up space in his driveway. I’ll run that one through as well.

For now I need to divest myself of as much as I can and have ONE car for a while. I like to wheel and deal and buy the auction cars but the smart thing to do is find one and keep it for at least six months to a year. That’s what I intend on doing with this Honda. I will take as many distractions away from me as I can as I start the Uranus Factory Outlet business.

If I’m successful I’ll be able to buy all the cars I want. Right now storage is an issue as is keeping the titles straight so that will not be an issue as I will now just register the one car. I like Hondas and this one looks very solid. I’ll get a new timing belt put in and have all of the systems checked out and hope to not have any car issues in the coming year. We’ll see.

It’s all a gamble but the gambles have been paying off lately. I’ve been able to find some nice little hot rods at the auction this year and this looks like another one. I wouldn’t mind having a car lot but I’m sure that’s asking for all kinds of trouble. For now I’ll just keep to using this Honda to get me through 2008. I don’t see why it shouldn’t and it’s all paid for.

It will cost me $1925 out the door which is high for me but this is worth it. Even if it has some maintenance to be done I should still be able to get through the year for WAY under what a new car payment would cost. All I’m really interested in is reliable transportation.

I think the only other entertainer that has bought as many cars as I have in a single year is Elvis or maybe Jay Leno. I just enjoy buying cars and I like driving them too especially when I get them cheap and they’re paid for before I even get in. That really feels fantastic.

What felt even more fantastic was the first show tonight at Zanies. This is the one I was waiting for the whole week and it was worth the wait. Wow what a great audience. THIS is why I drive to Arkansas and put up with all the misery that sometimes goes with all this. Having that electric experience of being on stage for a hot crowd is 100% pure ecstasy.

Everything I did worked and I knew it from the start. I had to bring them over to me but they came willingly and I shaped them into exactly the group I wanted them to be. I had a roll going and kept it going and finished even stronger than I started. This was the one that made the recording worthwhile and I tried to pause and let the laughs sink in on the tape.

After the show I had people lining up to tell me how funny I was and how they’ve never laughed that hard and all the great things I never get tired of hearing. I must admit that I’d lost some confidence after the brutal week last week and the earlier part of this week but I sure got back on the horse with this show. It made me feel like I’m still on the right track.

And then an hour later the train derailed again. What a bunch of down right morons and all three of us agreed on it. The opener and the feature couldn’t stand them either. We had our hands full because there were three large groups and they were all having their holiday parties and it was just a loud rowdy mess. Nobody would shut up and none of us could do our acts so we all just went up and tried the best we could until our time was up. Not fun.

Even the manager of Zanies told us to cut it short. I gladly said yes and got off stage at a laugh I got from insulting some halfwit who had a sombrero with Christmas lights on it. A single party is difficult but three separate ones is comedy hell on earth. This one was a big waste of time for everyone and that’s unusual for a 9:00 show at Zanies. That’s usually the best one of the week. Not tonight. I just looked at it as paying my rent for January 2008.

The late show wasn’t much better either. Three shows on a Saturday can be a real chore when two of them are like a cattle run. Good thing the first one was a winner or I’d really be in the dumps right now. I’m in a little bit of a slump now but I know it’s not me. It’s all the over soaked crowds I’ve been working for lately. I need to get in front of sober people or at least people who aren’t Otis Campbell drunk or Keith Richards baked. Who needs it?

Not me. I want to cultivate an audience of people like the first show who are intelligent and want to laugh. Where are those people? I think they’re scattered like buckshot in with the idiots and I’m going crazy trying to find them. I found them once this week but that is way too infrequently. My odds haven’t been good in the last couple of weeks. I need help.

I think I’m supposed to learn a lesson from all this but I’m not sure exactly what that is. I just want to perform standup comedy for good audiences who want to laugh. I want the fans of comedy to find me and I want to entertain them and go out of my way to please.

It sure is turning out to be a lot harder than it sounds. All I want is a group of fans that come to see me and I will super serve them to the best of my ability. I know I have fans in different places and I appreciate every one of them but how do I get all of them together?