Wow, What Happened?

Thursday March 27th, 2008 - Chicago, IL

Several kicks in the groin from the cosmos today. I couldn’t get it going no matter how hard I tried but that doesn’t mean I didn’t stop trying. I gave it all I had today but I feel as low as I’ve felt in many months. I heard it was a full moon tonight and it sure felt like it.

One thing went wrong after another today. I woke up and rehit the toe I ripped open and reripped it just as it was starting to scab up. I brushed it against the seam of my pants as I was getting dressed and it started bleeding again. It hurt a lot too and I again had another mess I had to clean up. I’m glad I’m not a hemophiliac or I’d probably be dead right now.

Then I got a call from a guy I thought was my friend who just moved out to Reno/Tahoe a few months ago. I have a gig in North Tahoe in a couple of weeks and he wants to come see the show with his wife. He made very nasty comments about me having gained some weight in the last few years and it really stung. I’m not saying I didn’t but it hurt like hell.

He said it in a mean spirited way just like my father would have. He went on and on for a few minutes and then he said ‘Well I guess that’s pretty mean to say that.’ Yes is sure is. I feel bad enough about not being in shape and yes it’s my own fault but to have someone I thought was my friend say it that way thinking he was being funny just left a bad taste.

I don’t even want him to come to the show at this point and I could make some remarks about him and his wife that would sting him right back but I held my tongue and shut my mouth and didn’t let him know it tripped a trigger wire but it really did. I didn‘t need that.

These are the kinds of things I’ve been trying to fight my whole life. Hearing that today took me right back to the ugliest part of my childhood and I didn’t like it. I still don’t. It’s not that easy just to ‘let it go’ and ‘turn the frown upside down’ like all the God squadder goofs usually say. ‘Put it in Jesus’s hands’ or ‘God is just testing you’ or some other crap.

I forced myself to get some work done because I didn’t want to waste the day. I needed to work on my bookings and I did exactly that. I reconnected with a booker out east that’s booked me in the past but not in a few years. She has work near New York and I’d love to get back that way again. I also connected with bookers in Michigan and Louisville, KY.

Sending avails is a crucial part of being a comedian because it’s a numbers game and is a matter of getting one of the 52 spots each club has to give out every year. I haven’t been up to date on my booking rounds as I could and should be and today I at least started back on the right track. I also reconnected with Calgary, Salt Lake City and Memphis as well.

Those are all places I love to work but the money isn’t that great. Not for someone with my drawing power which is pretty much zero at this point. IF people come out to the club I will give them a great show but I don’t really have any influence on getting them there. I can only do what I can do and that’s give my best shows which usually are enough for the clubs to bring me back. I will get rebooked in most if not all of these places if I want to.

And I do want to. I just want to eventually get to a point where I sell out those shows so everyone can make a few bucks. I’d love to be that draw that can put asses in seats but for whatever reason I haven’t been able to accomplish that yet. That’s why I am banking on a shot in the arm from the King of Uranus. If that gimmick doesn’t draw I think I’m sunk.

I felt like it the rest of the day as I went to go get my haircut before the weekend shows. There’s a haircut place not far from me and there’s a stylist named Eva who is one of the hottest women I’ve ever seen in my life. She’s a sweetheart too and she cut my hair a few times and did a great job. Making me look good is no easy task but she worked her magic.

Of course I got there and Eva was busy with someone else and I got ‘the other one’. It’s a typical Mr. Lucky scenario. There are only two hair stylists and one is smoking hot. I’m stuck with ‘the other one’. Not only did she babble on about American Idol which I could not care less about she took a lot longer than I had time for and had on nasty perfume too.

Then I got in the car and I had to fight traffic for over two hours to get into the city for a 6:00 dinner appointment with Jerry Agar and his friend Rick who he’s known longer than me. It was snowing and sleeting and traffic was as bad as I’ve ever seen it. I was late by a full hour and I had to pee so bad I almost soaked my pants. Traffic just would NOT move.

By the time I got to the restaurant I was in a foul mood and I tried to tell myself to brush it off but I had a hard time with that. We went to a Mongolian barbecue place and the guy brought Jerry and Rick their order but mine was someone else’s. They make us write out a name on a wooden tag. Mine said ‘Cheryl’. I asked the waiter if I looked like a Cheryl.

He didn’t even acknowledge my presence. He took the plate away and I sat there as they ate in front of me just stewing about everything. It really was funny I suppose and I might eventually develop it into a scene in a movie or something but today I wasn’t laughing at all. I consciously tried to put myself in a positive space the whole time but it wasn‘t easy.

The show at Zanies tonight was absolutely HORRIBLE. It was sold out and that’s great for a Thursday but I found out it was telemarketed and everyone got in free. Red flag. The term in comedy is called ‘papering the house’ and although it was full it doesn’t mean it’s a good audience and they weren’t. They were chatty and rude and not at all my people.

I have enough experience to cheerlead a crowd like that for as long as I can but then it’s a lost cause because they just lose it after a while. The booze kicks in and it’s over and no performance could get their attention up to and including a flyover by the Blue Angels.

These kind of days happen and today was one of them. As I drove home after dropping Jerry off and I turned the radio on and heard ‘Don’t Look Back’ by Boston. I wish I could put all of this ugliness behind me and I’ve been doing great but days like this wipe all that out. I took some lumps today and it hurts all over. My self esteem is in the toilet and I feel all alone in the world with nobody to cheer me up when I really need it. Today I really do. I don’t feel God. I don’t feel love. I don’t feel anything but pain. Why was I even born?