Max And My Money

Thursday July 24th, 2008 - Springfield, IL

Up at 2:30am to drive to Springfield, IL to be on WYMG with my old buddy Max from the Loop. Max’s partner is on vacation and he asked me to come down and hang out for a couple of days and do the show with him. I love to hang but there was an ulterior motive.

I needed to sign some papers in person at Max’s bank in the midget-tropolis Petersburg where he lives. It’s about 25 miles outside of Springfield and I don’t think there’s 1000 in the town. His wife is from there and his kids love it but if I had to live there I’d have to be sedated on a daily basis and even then it would be mere weeks before I’d munch a bullet.

This situation didn’t end up how I planned it but Max was in a pickle at the time and if I can help a friend in a time of need I’m all about that. I trust Max totally and I can’t say the same for very many others. It wasn’t a matter of trust with all this. It was just bad timing.

Originally the money was supposed to be freed up in a year. I put my life savings up for collateral so he could buy out his useless partner who was starting to be a major anchor of his business. He was a big time God Squad crusader too and they’re always the worst. It’s amazing how creeps like that can sit in church and pray but be such bastards in real life.

My father played that game to the hilt and I warned Max before he teamed up with Billy Graham Jr. but he still did it anyway. I can’t gloat because I teamed up with my own devil in disguise as my ex partner cleaned me out of all the comedy class money from Zanies. It hurts to think about it and he hadn’t done it when I loaned Max the cash but I still did it.

Life is short and it was a calculated risk and my calculations were wrong. The one year became two and now I just can’t wait any longer. I needed a chunk of it to pay the dentist and another chunk to pay my credit card down because I maxed it out trying to pay for my recent car nightmares. Things backed up and I was out of cash and I needed to clear it up.

I drove out to Petersburg and took care of the paperwork in about two minutes. I got my cashier’s check and drove back into Springfield thinking all the way of the best strategy to work my way out of this. I don’t think I’ll be getting the rest of it for at least a little while because Max had some problems at the store. He lost his electricity and inventory rotted.

His freezers were off for 18 hours and he lost ice cream and hamburger meat and he had to pay a deductible on his insurance policy that he didn’t expect. This all took some twists neither one of us expected but that’s how it turned out. Now I have to dig my way out of a tough situation and put Max in a tougher one than he already is in but what else can I do?

I have to survive and this is my only alternative right now. I will get some comedy work and keep slugging but right now I’m running pretty lean. It’s tough to stay thinking funny when things are like this but that’s the key to my sanity right now. I was going to use that money for Uranus Factory Outlet but that’s not going to work now. I guess I need to keep thinking and be patient and something else will come along to bail me out here. I need it.