A Pleasant Surprise

Monday July 21st, 2008 - Chicago, IL

Speak of the devil. I went to my post office box in Chicago today and surprise surprise! There was my check from Topeka. I couldn’t believe it. Just when I had given up all hope there it was. I looked at the envelope and started laughing and everyone in the UPS Store looked at me like I was nuts. I guess I am. I keep thinking I know what’s going to happen.

This whole situation was totally unnecessary in my opinion. If the bouncers would have shut the table of frat boys up I could have finished my show and this wouldn’t be an issue at all. Instead it caused pain and frustration and in the end I am still screwed out of $375.

I am a man of my word and I will send the booker his full commission. In all likelihood I won’t be working much if any for him at this point and I know for sure I won’t be going back to Topeka. The bridge is burned and that’s too bad. I had some decent shows there.

It’s also close to Kansas City and I like working that town too. It never hurts to have an extra gig added on to pay for gas money or a plane ticket and Topeka is a prime example. After today’s surprise I guess I’ll never say never but it’s highly unlikely I’ll ever go back. I thought about what my mistakes were and how I could have avoided them to begin with.

The first thing is I should have not taken the gig in the first place. At this point I should be working better venues but for whatever reason I’m not and this gig was offered to me. I took it so there goes that defense. Nobody forced me to go. I accepted it of my own will.

The second thing is I should have shut the table up before I got on stage. They were not quiet for the opener either and to make it worse there was a break between acts and that’s the time when the waitress brought even more liquor to the group who was drunk already.

The third thing is I could have just stood up there and done my time. They were all loud and obnoxious and I let them get to me but I didn’t think it was fair for everyone else that came to the show but in retrospect they were idiots too. That was just a bad mix of people in one place and it happened to be at my show. If I really wanted to I could have gone on.

But I didn’t want to badly enough I guess. I wanted to give the people a show but I had to deal with those halfwits early on and I just decided it would be better to walk so I’d not put myself in a position to say or do something I’d be REALLY sorry for later. This was a stupid enough mistake as it was so staying longer might have really put me in a bad spot.

This whole thing has been a big lesson to me. I wish it wouldn’t have happened but I’m not able to promise I wouldn’t do the same thing again. I’ve really had it with drunks and I just don’t want to fight them anymore. I want to find the people who will enjoy my act.

I’ve found there are quite a few of them too. There weren’t many on that one particular evening in Topeka but that doesn’t mean I will never go back to Topeka. I just doubt it’ll be at the place in question. This was a long way to go to find that out. I need better gigs.

I’ll work on that along with everything else I’ve got going but for now I have to put this in the history book. I got half my originally agreed upon money and I’m going to still pay my full commission to the booker out of respect and good karma. I don’t want to be a jerk and stiff the guy because I like him personally and we share a birthday too. I’ll pay him.

But as soon as I drop the envelope in the mailbox tomorrow it’s OVER in my mind. I’m not going to get rich doing weekends for drunken frat boys in Topeka, KS. I live in a very big city and am on the radio here and I need to find a way to make that pay off financially.

This morning was our big one hour Jerry’s Kidder’s special show ‘Barack-No-Phobia’. We had a video recording made while we were doing it and it actually turned out to be an exciting experience. We were doing it live without a net and I love the feeling of pressure in a situation like that. There’s no safety net and we could all make a mistake at any time.

Nobody blew it today. This could have been really ugly but it wasn’t at all. We worked well as a team but this was Jerry and Tim Slagle’s baby. They are the most political of us and I for one don’t really care either way. I’m not thrilled about Obama or McCain so for me it was just another week. I added a few things when I could but mainly just sat back.

I had a few lines here and there but I knew this wasn’t my thing so I didn’t force myself on anyone. That’s how I would want it if I had a creative vision on a project and I figured Tim and Jerry knew where they wanted to go and they did. I thought it came of very well.

Tonight I hosted the rising star showcase at Zanies as I usually do. A comic named Clay Miles from the D.C. area flew in and I picked him up at the airport. When I was in D.C. at a club called Wiseacres Clay and the booker Mike Diesel were very kind to me. My other friend from Milwaukee Jerry Thomas lives out there too and all of them treated me well.

I thought it was only fair that I return the favor so I told Clay I’d pick him up. I only had one problem - I went to the wrong airport. I’d ASSUMED he was flying into O’Hare but I found out right as I left home it was Midway which is way across town from me. I should have checked closer but I didn’t and all I could do was tell him I would be a little bit late.

Actually it wasn’t that bad. We hung out for a while and had a Chicago hot dog because he’d never been to Chicago before. We went to Portillo’s which I think is by far the best. I respect how hard that guy worked and he started with one little hut and has worked up to having about 40 stores all over Chicago. That guy is an example of the American dream.

Clay had a very strong set and I think he’ll get some work from Zanies. I’m glad I had a small hand in it and after the show I drove him back to the airport. On the way he told me one of the most disturbing things I’ve heard in many years. It was a major wake up call.

He told me the manager of the D.C. Improv club said ‘If you’re 35 and not a star in the comedy business by then…it’s OVER. Get out now.’ That chilled me to hear it and I have heard the warning. No more Topekas. No more BS. I need to make my move but quick.