Needless Needles

Wednesday July 9th, 2008 - Chicago, IL

Not one but TWO crushing cosmic kicks to the keester today. Is there a disturbance in the force or something? That’s a lot even for me. It’s hard to get any positive momentum going when this kind of stuff keeps happening. I’m taking some major shots to the face.

Literally. I took my seat once again in Dr. Beyer’s death chair and got drilled and grilled yet again. Dr. Beyer really knows his stuff though and he was able to get the work done of three appointments because he had some time today due to a cancellation. He said if I had the stamina he would do it and I rolled my eyes and nodded. Those Russians get it done.

He had to drill on the tooth I just got root canalled because there needs to be a crown on it and he had to put a spike in the middle so it would hold. He showed me what he wanted to do but I told him to just do it because I trust his work. I really do. The guy is a real pro.

Unfortunately pros have to charge like pros. The whole crown is $1475 and then he saw two more cavities on the other side and said he could get those done if I had time. I did so I said yes but when he drilled the first one he said it was deeper than he thought and that’s a sure sign the other one would need a root canal now before it would hurt me very soon.

What can I say? No? I guess I could but after this last one I know I couldn’t take it like that again. I’d take a bullet first. He said he could get me in next Saturday and the same guy who did the last one would do this one. I guess that’s good but it’s going to break me.

Now I’m not tapping out my money anymore. I’m going to have to use the money I had put aside for the Uranus project. I have no choice. My credit card is maxed because of the cars blowing up and I have nobody to go to for help. Who’s going to loan me $3500 for a dental bill? Right. Nobody. I’ve felt alone my whole life but today took it to a new low.

This kind of thing is getting SO old after a lifetime of it. I’ve been wiped out to the very core so many times before I lost count. This is yet another one but at least I’m not scared. I’ve been here before and know how to survive. I’m actually pretty good at it. But it rots.

I went from the dentist to my Toyota that was marooned in a Jewel parking lot. I was as surprised as anyone when it started but when I started to drive it the temperature got very hot very quickly. It would red line and I’d shut it off and then wait and start it up again.

I did manage to get it back to the Waukegan Auto Auction where I bought it and I don’t know if I will get anything for it but I’ll try running it through the auction. Any money is good money right now and if it doesn’t sell I’ll junk it along with the Cadillac Seville and just cut my losses…twice. In a perfect world I could wait a little while but this isn’t it.

The best part of my day was walking west on Illinois Route 120 from the auction. I had to get to Route 83 and Rollins Road which I measured at about 9.6 miles when I drove the Toyota to the auction from there. I wanted to walk off my frustrations and think a little.

Actually I thought a lot. I’m in a real bind right now in a lot of areas and have as limited of resources as I’ve had in many years. I used to have a lot more steady comedy work and I suppose if I really tried I could get a lot more than I’ve got but I really don’t want that at this point in my life. There’s no future in it and like my filling today it’s a temporary fix.

I’ve been in these bad spots a lot in my life and I can think pretty calmly for someone in danger of having everything collapse. People through the years have always told me ‘You can handle a crisis better than ANYONE I’ve ever met.’ Is that some sort of compliment?

I don’t know, I’m usually too busy trying to shovel whatever the particular storm I’m in is dumping on me and I don’t have time to admire my crisis handling abilities. I took time today to take the walk because the weather was clear and I needed to blow off the steam.

All kinds of thoughts go through my head during these times. Some of them aren’t very pleasant and those showed up as well. I considered going on a killing spree and taking out the people who owe me money like that weasel in Topeka who STILL hasn’t paid me yet but what would that do? It’d make me feel better for two minutes and then off to prison.

But would it make me feel better? No, I really don’t think it would. I want happiness to rule my life and even those bilge holes who decided to steal from me. I want a ton of gigs in great venues with lots of people packed in who enjoy the shows. I want a sexy wife and loving kids and a great place I can call HOME and not live in a basement like an insect.

I want enough money to pay all my bills and feed a family and have a decent life while I spend my time preparing comedy to delight people all over the world. THAT’S what the goals are and always have been but I feel like I’m farther away than I’ve ever been before.

Nobody really cares that my teeth are a mess but maybe if there is a God He could have built me a little better and not made this an issue. Andrew Bogut just got a big guaranteed $60 million contract extension from the Milwaukee Bucks. I wonder how his teeth are? If they’re like mine at least he won’t have to worry about how he’s going to pay his dentist.

He’s a 7 footer who can play basketball and I’m 5’9” and am starting to look like one. I don’t think it’s fair and if I ever do meet a God type I sure will let that be known. Can’t a guy like Bogut SQUEAK by with say…$59 and a HALF million? I could use a little help.

Am I jealous of Andrew Bogut? No, not really. Good for him but what about ME and a lot of other people who are out there slugging and getting jammed? I don’t like it but this world seems to work that way and I don’t know what to do to change it. My teeth ache. It got worse as my walk got longer and eventually I had to call a cab. I couldn‘t keep going.

The woman (at least I think it was a woman) who was driving was one of the absolute sourest life forms I’ve ever encountered. She had a funky attitude and I could feel it as the cab stopped to pick me up. I didn’t know what to say so I shut up the whole way and I’m just numb to everything that went down today. Tomorrow I will start the damage control.