Who'd Steal From ME?

Monday July 7th, 2008 - Chicago, IL

Ninety-nine percent of today was really positive but the one percent that wasn’t sure did wipe the smile off my face. This was just plain weird. Whatever I’m doing that’s keeping me in this goofy vibe needs to stop but quick. I feel like I’m being played like a pan flute.

The day started great with a killer segment on WLS with Jerry’s Kidders. I think we had our best showing ever by far because we were very conversational and everyone involved contributed to the collective and the sum was greater than the parts. It was great fun to see happen and I felt we made a giant leap forward. It doesn’t get more satisfying than that.

After the show Vicki Quade came by to join us all for lunch. We always get together for a meal afterwards and that’s part of the whole experience. It’s a chance to hang out and be a team and sometimes Kipper McGee the program director joins us too. It‘s really a blast.

Vicki was going to buy my Honda but for whatever reason decided against it. I’m not in the mood to question it and I was just trying to help her son out. No big deal, life goes on. I dropped Vicki off after lunch and made some stops in the city while I was around town.

One of the stops was to some of the thrift stores in my old Andersonville neighborhood. They’ve got some decent ones and I just love to hunt for treasures. It relaxes me and I am still naïve enough to think I’m going to find an original Gutenberg parchment of the Bible or a copy of the Constitution for two bucks that I’m able to sell on Ebay for $2 million.

Anyway, I brought my CD container with about 20 discs in it to sell at Zanies tonight as I was the headliner of the Monday night show. I also had my leather bound book thing for carrying a legal pad and business cards and all that. It’s not worth anything and I got it for $5 at the same thrift store I was visiting today. When I came back to my car it was gone.

I took a double take and sure enough I checked again and the CD case and legal pad had been stolen out of my back seat. I was shocked, angry, hurt and frustrated as I couldn’t get around the concept of what lowlife farm animal pail of subhuman disease ridden mildewy black hearted minimum wage low rent soap scum sucking bag of oozing poodle poop had fallen so low on this pathetic pebble of pitiful pus we call a planet to have to do it to ME.

Yes I maybe should have locked my doors but I’ve been through this over and over. It’s an argument that can go either way. Do I want a car window with no radio or do I want a missing radio with a smashed window to boot. Usually I leave doors open just because an easy thing to do is lock my keys in a car. I’ve done that too many times so I leave it open.

I didn’t think of it when I did it but I had NO idea someone would steal those two little stupid trinkets that mean next to nothing to anyone else on this planet except me. I had an outline of my new comedy class format I want to try and also all my product development notes from Uranus Factory Outlet. I’d been working on both of these things very hard as I drove to and from Wausau and Duluth last week. I was happy with a lot of the new ideas.

So why of all days and times and places did TODAY have to be the day I had some pud decide to relieve me of my personal trinkets and baubles? There was nothing of any value except $40 in cash in my CD bag. I keep $10 bills handy to make change at shows as it’s a bit hectic sometimes to try and get change from a waitress. I had some ready for tonight.

I wouldn’t have had a problem paying the $40 as a stupid tax for the day but having the notes of all my hard work of late be taken too was really a kick in the Lucille Balls. I tried walking in every direction and checking to see where the crack head(s) may have dumped it as I’m sure it had no use to them at all but no luck. It’s two needles in a giant haystack.

Stuff like this has happened to me over and over and OVER and over and over again for my entire life. I won’t get into details but I stopped to think of all the times I’ve gotten my problems to hit at the worst possible time or in the worst possible way and it took a while to think of them all. For whatever reason this kind of freakish thing is nothing new to me.

I called Jerry Agar and just vented for a few minutes. He can’t do anything about it but I did feel good just blowing off steam. I have ZERO tolerance for punks or druggies or the gang or whomever had to think it was cool to pilfer the auction bought car of a struggling comedian. Yes I maybe should have locked it but I thought I was walking among humans.

Those exact notes are gone forever. Nobody will ever find them and I’ve already given up before it starts. I’ve had briefcases lost or stolen along with wallets or computer bags with the computer still in them and not once have I been able to recover the lost property. It’s in a garbage can somewhere or laying in the middle of a street or an alley. It’s gone.

Maybe some gang bangers will use my CD for a beverage coaster for their 40 ouncers. I hope they try to cash them in at a record shop so at least I get some exposure in the hood. At least my name is on what was stolen but still I am not going to ever see it again. UGH.

I’m blown away by how this kind of stuff keeps happening to me. I didn’t even plan on having the car come back to me and I took the train into the city. Usually I take it back to Lake Villa and then drive into Zanies for the evening show. Not today. But then it’s this.

I’m not looking for sympathy or anything other than a reason of why this happens. I am really trying extra hard to be a good person and not hurt others but that’s not the dividend I’m getting back. Between the peanut heads who are stealing my class idea and this latest kick in the ass I’m not understanding what lesson if any I’m supposed to learn from it all.

Who wouldn’t be upset about this? Quite frankly I’m fuming about it and questioning a reason for why I’m here even more. I feel like I’m on the wrong planet and some thing or someone is hell bent on making my time here miserable. Whatever that may be is doing it quite thoroughly, I‘ll say that. Whatever I did to make this happen I wish I could change.

The sad part is the rest of the day was really fun. I had a blast at WLS and at Zanies and I hung out with friends and that all gets wiped out because of a selfish ugly act of an idiot.