A $75 Left Turn Isn't Right

Monday June 1st, 2009 - Mt. Prospect, IL/Chicago, IL

A typical Mr. Lucky situation today. I received a call from Bert Haas saying he had one extra ticket for the White Sox game tonight and asked if I wanted to go. I happened to be off so I said yes. Bert asked if I’d mind picking up his son Steven on my way. Sure thing.

Bert lives in a nice neighborhood in Mt. Prospect, IL. It’s a cross between where Beaver Cleaver would live and maybe the Brady Bunch. Lots of people with nice teeth and lives. It’s right near a mall and there’s a difficult traffic intersection where left turns are hellish.

There are several streets intersecting at this particular corner and it takes a long time for all the lights to change. The lane I was in to make a left turn to go to Bert’s house is about as long as any light I’ve ever seen anywhere and I’ve been around the block a whole lot.

For whatever reason it’s an arrow only left turn and to miss it means about a ten minute wait for all the other lights to go through the process. There’s no shortcut and I’ve sat at it many times in my life wondering if I’d have enough gas left to make it the rest of the way to Bert’s house. Tonight I was running late and in a hurry and I saw the light turn yellow.

The imbecile in front of me was on the phone and didn’t see the arrow turn green and I beeped long and loud but he still didn’t go. Finally he decided to go and I wasn’t about to wait another ten minutes so I slid in behind him as the light turned red. I used his car as a blocker and slipped in on the left side. I immediately saw a police car’s lights behind me.

The cop got out of the car and he looked like a high school kid. I had my license out but he asked for my insurance too. I know it’s a law in Illinois and I have it but I could tell he was going to play Dick Tracy and do everything by the book. He told me why he’d pulled me over and when he did I couldn’t help noticing he had a mockable speech impediment.

I don’t wish that on anyone and I’m sure his childhood was hellacious but now he’s in a position of power and he wasn’t going to let anyone forget it. He lectured me on how easy it was to have an accident with what I did and I countered by saying that particular corner had an especially long light with minimal time to turn and I was late so I squeezed it in.

He continued to babble with his garbled harelip gibberish and I knew I wasn’t going to get off with a warning. Then I noticed two other cars pull in the same lot I was in and two other high school kid looking cops were pulling them over for the exact same ‘violation’.

What a joke. They were nailing people left and right at $75 a pop and there wasn’t any way any of us could get out of it. I looked at the guy in the car next to me as we both were waiting for our ticket and we just shook our heads. We both got stung by Mayberry Vice.

Normally I support cops but not this time. Some fuzz nuts kid who was picked on back in school now has a job where he can get even with society and I have to be one of those he pulls over. My ass. The game was fun but it wasn’t $75 fun. I hope Supercop is happy.