Hell Gig Hospitality

Wednesday June 3rd, 2009 - Rockford, IL

Every single comedian who has ever tried to earn a living telling jokes on a stage has at one time or another had to endure some sort of hell gig situation. It’s part of this business and there are absolutely NO exceptions. Zero. Every one of us has at least a dozen stories.

I’ve had more than my own share of them and I could probably fill a book all by myself. I’ve had a riot start, had people charge the stage, had someone have a heart attack during a show, had ugly women flash me, had people vomit, had to perform on a diving board at a backyard pool party, had to go on between punk rock bands, and that’s just a smattering.

This morning I had a gig at the Greater Rockford Auto Auction in Rockford, IL. I had to stand in an auctioneer’s booth in front of six picnic tables and do a half hour of comedy to lighten the mood for car dealers before the auction. I had all I could handle to do my time.
These are the kinds of situations that test a person’s mettle. It sure isn’t for the squeamish.

On paper this would be perfect for me. I love car auctions and in fact attend them all the time. This one was for dealers only but I get the concept. One would think I could do this in my sleep but far from it. It was extremely difficult and I felt like a stripper at a bachelor party. I only thought about the money the whole time but that half hour felt like a month.

Sonya White is the person who booked me. She’s a comic and a sweetheart and she did some gig for these people back whenever and they called her asking if she knew anybody who might be able to do a gig like this and she thought of me. A lot of bookers do when a goofy situation like this comes up and I’m never sure if I should be flattered or insulted.

In this situation I’ll be flattered. Sonya is a wonderful person and she’s just trying to get gigs for as many people as she can in tough economic times. They’re going to try this for at least a four week run and today was their first shot. It was very uncomfortable and I felt like a total idiot up there with car dealers staring at me like I was a ‘check engine’ light.

They told me there were 550 dealers that usually show up but most of them were out on the lot looking at the cars. During my show cars were starting and horns were beeping and I wanted to put the mike down and go home but I wouldn’t do that to Sonya. Plus, the guy I reported to had already paid me before I went on. I suffered out my time and walked off.

When I got off stage the owner asked to see me in his office. Oh no. I’ve had that asked of me way too many times in radio and nothing good ever came of it. I slowly walked into the office and there were about ten people from the staff in there. They’d all watched and were very complimentary all around. The owner’s name was Mark and he was really cool.

He seemed to be genuinely interested in comedy and he laughed freely during the show. I told him this was a tough situation but he knew it. He said he had other possible events and would keep me in mind. He was super nice to work for and so is Sonya. For a hell gig this wasn’t that bad and it was a few bucks too. I’ve had WAY worse situations than this.