Left Hand Grenades

Friday June 5th, 2009 - Lake Villa, IL

I feel like I’m drifting. Again. It’s never easy to keep everything running smoothly so an occasional detour is expected but I feel like I’ve lost all my momentum. I’m short on cash and gigs to make more cash and it’s coming into summer when it’s usually slow anyway.

I’ve stopped my daily exercise routine and I’ve been eating things that will take years to flush from the crannies of my innermost bowels. I do pretty well for a while and then I go off the deep end and ‘reward’ myself with lard and sugar. But it tastes so good doing it.

When it rains it pours and I’m in a giant cloudburst right now. On one hand I don’t feel much like doing anything but on the other I have all these fun projects I want to get to but they seem so far away. I’m in a mindset I’m not thrilled with and I want out. This is bad.

The best thing for me to do is get myself organized but a time like this is when it’s most difficult to do that. My mind is all over the place and then nothing gets done. It’s gridlock inside my head and it’s frustrating as hell. Creativity usually flows out of me but now it’s stuck in neutral and I feel like I’m spinning my mental wheels and splattering all over.

Part of this is a result being left handed. I’m not using it as an excuse but I really think a left hander’s brain doesn’t function the same as the brain of a righty. We’re not as logical and orderly as the right handed mentality and I’ve noticed it over and over again. A whole lot of comedians are left handers and I can see it in them too. We’re our own breed. Nuts.

That’s really handy for creative things but at times like this it’s maddening. I really need some order and structure in my life right now and it’s totally killing me because it’s not a natural thing for me to do. I’ve always been free and easy and let things unfold naturally.

It’s really strange because I’m not depressed so much as distracted. Believe me, I know the feeling of being depressed but this isn’t it. I feel more like I’m not able to concentrate on any one thing even more than usual. Is it A.D.D.? I don’t know, but it sure isn’t fun.

One thing that really cheered me up today was getting the final draft pencil drawing of my CD cover from Pedro Bell. That really put a smile on my face as it’s exactly how I’d imagined it looking. He even formed my name into a logo that looks like the Funkadelic logo which he probably created back in the ‘70s. Those who know it will be impressed.

I certainly was. I know this isn’t necessary but I still always wanted to do it and now it’s a reality and I couldn’t be any more pleased. Will it help sell even one CD? I think maybe it actually could. Pedro’s art is very unique and Funkadelic fans will all know it. I want it to be a win/win where his fans hear of me and my fans hear of him. Either way, I love it.

The key is not to give up and I’m not. I’m farting around wandering but I’ve done that before. I’ll get in a groove again soon enough. I usually do. Then it doesn’t seem fair the other way because everything flows easily. Left handed people know exactly what I mean.