Wednesday September 1st, 2010 - Chicago, IL/Miami/FL/Grand Cayman Island What would yet another action packed wacky week of swashbuckling adventure on the high sea be without some sort of major malfunction to kick it all off with a big old bang? How else would a poop deck swabby like me learn anything? I knew this was coming. It had to. There are just too many opportunities for something to go wrong with all the constant chain of events that have to happen to make things run smoothly out on the road. It’s difficult enough to handle things on land only. Throw in sea and air and it’s a jungle. Throw an unexpected twist, glitch or wrinkle into that and then it’s a flat out nightmare. The stress demons crawl through the cracks in the wall and before long it’s a tension fest of epic proportions. Will I make it? Will I not? Will fate be kind to me? Will I get fired? I’m working on the ship Carnival Liberty this week, one I’ve done twice before. I enjoy everything about it from the setup of the ship to the people working on it. All the security people know me from last time when I left my wallet in the cab on Grand Cayman Island. They tease me about it, but at least they know who I am. For whatever reason, they call me ‘Maxie’, but I don’t correct them. They’re the muscle on the ship, and knowing them is like being friends with every cop in town. If any fights break out, they’ve got my back. Most of them are from India, and sometimes it can be hard to understand what they say. I just smile and nod, hoping they don’t arrest me. They really are nice people, but I have to believe they have a tough job. Most of their work probably comes from drunken idiots starting fights, but they can’t just go in there and bust heads. It’s a very delicate situation. The problems all started today in Chicago, where my flight to Miami was delayed. I had a much later flight than I normally get and it pushed everything to the crisis zone. We left Chicago late which got us to Miami late and I thought I was going to miss my connecting flight to Grand Cayman Island. They ended up delaying it, but that made things worse. I called the super secret cell phone of the booker that’s only to be used for emergencies, but I thought this was one. She was very nice as usual and explained there were two other Carnival entertainers on board, one of them being the other comedian. She told me to get in a cab with them as soon as I landed and get to the ship as quickly as humanly possible. Customs was only a minor hassle, but still a pain. Nobody cared that we were in a huge hurry, and the stress level surged even higher. I thought I’d pass out when all the luggage was unloaded and my bag was missing. They lost it. It could be anywhere on the planet. I had to fill out a form, then get in a cab and make the ship. I did, but I have NO idea if I’ll get it back in time for the shows tomorrow and Friday. When I got to the office on the ship, I saw several of my security guard friends pointing and laughing at me. “Only YOU, Maxie! Did they keep your wallet too?” It’s nice to know I bring laughter to people’s day.
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