Labor Pain

Monday September 6th, 2010 - Somewhere At Sea

   Help me, please. I’m in the pit of hell, and I want to go home. Six days has seemed like  six years, and I just want it all to be OVER already. This is not what I want to do with my life, and unless I figure something out quickly I’ll jump off the side of the ship and end it.

   Thankfully, I’ve had some very good veteran comedians to help me through in learning how to adjust to this life, and it is indeed an adjustment. This whole week Phat Kat was a total help with everything, and I thanked him for it. He hasn’t been doing comedy all that long, and most of his years were spent on ships. For him, the club scene sent him running.

   For me, it’s been the exact opposite. The more I get in front of these ship audiences, the more I find them stupid and difficult to master. The degree of difficulty is extremely high all around, and there’s no real warm up act to get them in the mood. This isn’t enjoyable.

   Phat Kat says one just gets used to it, and he’s chosen to take the money and run. He’s a very personable guy on stage and off, and he’s got a magnetic charisma much like Mutzie from New Orleans does. He’s another guy who’s new like me, but I think he’s perfect for these gigs. Mutzie and Phat Kat were made for the ships, and that’s a compliment to both.

   I have to believe I’m not the first person to clash with this lifestyle, but I’ve been doing well enough to keep a job. I haven’t let on to anyone on board that I’m unhappy, and I can keep my mouth shut with the best of them when I need to. I kept a bank robbery quiet for several years, I can keep this under my hat too. I just don’t know if I want to. It’s a pisser.

    I just don’t have the same kind of energy and charisma guys like a Phat Kat or a Mutzie do. I tried to figure it all out tonight as I struggled through my first two shows. What’s the reason I’ve had so much trouble figuring these audiences out with any real consistency? It normally takes me just a few minutes to adjust and find their pulse. This has been harder.

   Part of it is I have to divide up my material between the early family shows and the later adult ones. That takes away some of my safety net, as does I’m realizing I have more stuff than I thought that’s either local or regional. I can go up in Milwaukee and ad lib for most of the show, or in Chicago for quite a while. Here, I have to keep it right down the center.

   This is a real problem. I don’t want to be here, but if I quit I may not get a chance at this much money again for a while. I’m sure there have been pro athletes who were drafted by a team and it wasn’t a pleasant experience but the money was good. That’s where I am at this time. In truth, the smart thing to do is just shut up and let the paychecks keep coming.

   I’ve never been one to do that by nature. I’ve always done things for the enjoyment and figured the money would follow, even though it never really did. The ships pay well, feed us, fly us in and out, and give us a place to stay even though it’s tiny and without the light of day coming in or out. No other job has ever done that for me. Still, the shows have put me in such a down mood it takes away any fun there may be. I am SO ready to go home.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary