Thursday July 14th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL/Cary, IL I’m still running around between houses and getting more scattered than ever. It made it worse with the power going out, but that was beyond anyone’s control. I’d been hoping to be home by now, starting to dig out of the massive wreckage that has been dumped on me by the universe. It is what it is, but I need to start digging out and rebuilding a new life. Having Jerry Agar’s house at my disposal for the last couple of weeks has been a major blessing. It’s been quiet and low pressure, and although there’s nothing wrong with where I’m staying, this is exactly what I needed. I’ve known his kids since birth and we’ve had a lot of time to hang out and have fun together. These are the ‘relatives’ I always wanted. Plus, the nature preserve area just a few blocks away has been the ideal place to take my daily walks. The terrain is gorgeous and it’s got enough hills to make it a real challenge to make it worth my time. I’ve worked my way up to two full laps, which is way more than I did when I started. At first, I had all I could stand with half a lap. I feel the improvement. Still, it’s time to go home. I had work to do before, now I’m swamped. I still need to get my taxes finished for 2010. I filed an extension like I usually do, and I’m sure I’ll squeeze it in at the last minute like I usually do, but I need to knock it off and get it done on time. In a weird way, maybe this will get my head out of my ass. I’ve got all kinds of problem situations I need to deal with, none of them pleasant. I met with the social worker today in hopes of getting financial help for my hospital bill. I applied for hardship status, but I’m a newbie when it comes to all that. I’m at the mercy of the situation and it’s uncomfortable. I wish I had health insurance, and now I have no idea how or if I’ll ever get it after all of this mess. The last thing I want to be doing is comparison shopping insurance benefits for a policy I have no idea how I’m going to afford. My money situation has taken a complete 180 and headed toward zero at an alarming rate. Not only that, I have zero shows booked. I don’t remember exactly the last time I had absolutely zero shows booked, but it’s been literally decades. I always managed to keep myself booked, even when I was doing all my morning radio gigs in towns like Lansing, Reno and Salt Lake City. I found comedy in all those towns, and never stopped working at it. This is THE longest break I’ve ever taken. That’s another issue I’m dealing with. The road just doesn’t appeal to me anymore, and that scares me. It used to be all I wanted to do, now it’s the last thing I want to do. I enjoy the performing part, but the idea of going to a flea bag motel near a Denny’s repulses me. So, here I sit with all my life’s experiences staring me in the face like one of those goof mirrors in the fun house at the carnival. The image I see is grotesque and exaggerated and I don’t know what’s real anymore. What the hell am I going to do with the rest of my life and more importantly, how am I going to drum up some income? The clue jet has left the airport, and I wasn‘t on it. Time to take a breath, assess the full situation and move ahead.
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