Three Strikes And Out

Saturday June 2^nd, 2012 – Chicago, IL

   I’m so depressed right now I can barely lift my fingers to the keyboard. I just did three difficult but successful shows at Zanies in Chicago tonight, and it hit me hard as I was doing the last show that I’ve given of my entire being to be able to do that and still nobody knows who the hell I am.

   What a major disappointment that is, and I don’t know what to do to change it. I’ve chased this elusive dream my entire adult life, and I’m no closer to catching it now than when I started. What rips my heart out by the roots is that I know I have the natural ability to do it that most never get.

   I’m not bragging, but I can light it up with the best of them when I’m on my game. Even when I’m not, I can still hang in there and not embarrass myself. People aren’t going to walk out of my show and think I’m incompetent. They might not enjoy my style, but they can’t deny I can do it.

   Tonight was no cakewalk. Three show nights are never easy, and it takes extra concentration to keep everything straight. It’s easy to repeat a joke or a bit to the same audience if I’m not paying close attention, and it can happen to anyone. It didn’t happen tonight, as I was properly prepared.

   The early show was a very small crowd. I know it’s after Memorial Day and technically it’s the summer season and all that, but it’s disappointing as hell that in a city of five million people after spending twenty five years trying to build a recognizable name, I can’t even fill a 110 seat room.

   I did the morning show on 97.9 ‘The Loop’ for more than a year, and that’s a legendary station in the third largest market in America. Shouldn’t that mean something? I would think that would have helped me become at least a minor draw in the Chicago market anyway, but it never did.

   Then, I was on not one but TWO major AM blowtorch signals for a year each as part of Jerry’s Kidders on WLS and WGN. I wasn’t billed as a comedian on The Loop, but I was the funny guy on the morning show. Jerry’s Kidders were billed as comedians, but none of any of that helped.

   What the hell else do I have to do? I’m out of ideas right about now. I gave it all up for years to be able to walk in to a Zanies and be a quality headliner, and I’ve achieved that. Just because I’m in front of a small crowd doesn’t mean they’re not getting a good show. In fact it’s the opposite.

   After all three shows tonight – none of which sold out – people made it a point to come up and tell me how funny they thought I was, and it made me feel good. Then, someone would ask what my name was again or why they’d never heard of me and I had to fight the urge to hang myself.

   They didn’t mean anything bad by it, but it sure is a kick in the balls of my self esteem. I would think my radio tenure would have put my name out there at least a little bit on a local level, but it totally hasn’t. I might as well be introduced as some shoe salesman who’s on stage his first time.

   There are a lot of other Chicago comedians from my era that are in a similar pickle, and it rots. There’s the big Just For Laughs Festival coming to town in a couple of weeks and none of us are included in that. I don’t even know how to try to be considered for it. One would think they’d be looking for local talent, but that’s not happening. I feel like I’ve been fooling myself and it hurts.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary