Monday October 29th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL
I’m in a very positive mindset these days, and I’m loving every minute of it. That doesn’t mean I won’t slide back into the doldrums of a deep dark funk at some point, but for now I’m on top of a big wave and hanging ten. I realize that waves crash and wipe outs can be painful, but that’s not my point of focus right now. I am enjoying this ride and hope to make it last as long as possible.
I’ve been through so much in life that it would be difficult to spook me at this point. If I got the word tomorrow I was terminally ill, I wouldn’t be upset. If we’re truly put here to learn, I’ve sure done that and then some. I may not have had success in other ways, but I’ve earned a PhD in life.
I have come SO far from where I started it’s hard to believe I did it in one lifetime. There were all kinds of rough patches and pot holes on the road, but I’m still on it and I finally feel I have an idea of how to navigate my way to where I want to go. It’s taken too long, but I’m on my way.
On the other hand, the more I learn the more I realize how insignificant I am and how little of a scope my life really has. How many people have I been able to touch in a positive way? Who can say? However many it is, it doesn’t seem like enough. I feel like I haven’t done a whole lot and it both frustrates me and keeps me humble. Will I ever get my moment in the sun? I surely hope so.
If I do, I’d like to think I’m really ready for it. I would hope to be looked at as one of the nicest and most giving people anywhere, and set the standard for the term ‘class act’. That’s exactly the way I’ve always tried to live, but I haven’t always been in the correct mindset. I’ve really grown.
Now I’m in the home stretch, and I’m either going to experience the sweetest of victories or an excruciatingly bitter defeat. I feel like I’ve already experienced enough bitter defeats for a dozen lifetimes, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen again. I can do what I can do, and that’s about it.
The rest boils down to luck, and that’s what really scares me. Mine has been consistently rotten to the point of laughable so far, but again there’s no guarantee it has to stay that way. If I’ve been able to have such unbelievable consistency one way, there has to be a way to reverse the magnet.
I’ve been a student of successful people for many years, and early failures are part of every one of their lives. If that’s the requirement, I have a big home run coming at some point and I want to make the most of it when it happens. The things I’m doing now are preparing me for that victory.
I really do think it’s all a mindset, and I’m in the exact one I need to be in right now. This is the way life should be, and I feel bulletproof even though I know I know I’m not. It’s the opposite of how I’ve felt when I’ve been in a funk when I felt like putting a bullet in my skull. This is better.
That John Mellencamp song ‘Your Life Is Now’ is becoming my personal theme song, and I’m trying to make every single day count. I’ve blown all kinds of opportunities, but that’s in the past and gone. New ones will come, and I want to be ready when they do. If I can keep myself where I am, I like my chances to win. I’ve been all over the place to say the least. This place is the best.