Black Sunday

Sunday January 20th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL

An open letter to Brett Favre: RETIRE ALREADY you washed up hillbilly. Yes you’re one of the all time greats and all that yahoo blah blah blah yackety yack ying yang. You’re the all time record holder and all that horse puckey too. You can blow your nose with $50 bills light your cigars with $100s. Ok, fine. Do it. Just do it away from me and get LOST.

I had to sit through a torturous afternoon of unbridled stress and I think I’ll need to hire someone to wet vac my shorts and couch. I have enough stress in my life as it is trying to squeak a living out of telling jokes to hillbillies like you without having you throw one of the most horrific interceptions I’ve ever had to sit through and this isn’t the only example.

Every year you piss and moan and whine about IF you should come back and take all of our Yankee cheese head money one more time and have everyone follow you around with a pooper scooper hoping to catch anything you might toss their way so they can cherish it forever. Quit playing with my head man. I can’t take it anymore. You’ve got your money now GO. Making me sit through that heartbreaker today made me want to kick your ass.

You get to go home and hang out in your mansion schmucks like me bought you and go fishing or hunting or running moonshine or whatever else Mississippi mud jacks do with their spare time. Maybe you’re out gator rasslin’ or moonshine runnin’ and quite frankly I don’t really give a swamp critter‘s fanny. Give me my life back. You gave me two weeks of freedom of not having to see if I can spend even more money to get Super Bowl tickets so now pull the plug and wait for the Hall of Fame. Let folks like me catch a little relief.

But not a chance. You’ll hem and haw and so will everyone else and they’ll hang on the hope you’ll come back one more time and bring the beer swilling cheesers a little hope to hang their alcoholic high cholesterol loser lives on. And what makes me the angriest is to think that millions of idiots will all really care if you do come back or not. I can’t stand it.

Think of all the kicked dogs and beaten wives and girlfriends from the U.P. to Kenosha. Everyone in the 715, 414 and 262 area codes were already picturing that next Super Bowl trophy to round out the foursome. We’re still hurting from that Denver loss but do any of you millionaires know how much that hurts? I doubt it. This is worse than dental surgery.

How about all the Shopko and Kmart and Fleet and Farm stores who are now up to their snow tires in ‘Packers NFC Champions’ shirts and hats? What about them? They’ll be all given to an orphanage in Guatemala so at least SOMEONE can get some use out of them. It’s not fair that you get to cash your millions and millions while we all get shafted hard.

Yes this was a great season and could have been one of the all time greats if you hadn’t forgotten what a green jersey looks like. This is like getting a date with a Playboy bunny and getting her back to the hotel and having her throw up on me when I get her pants off. It would have been painful enough to get rejected but to get that close and have it go bad is extra special torture. I needed to vent and I think there are a lot of fans that can relate.