Frank Caliendo

Friday January 18th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL

A lot of people in the comedy world are jealous of Frank Caliendo. I’m not one of them. I see he is headlining the Riverside Theatre in Milwaukee tonight. Good for him. I always wanted to headline the Riverside. It’s a beautiful theatre with a great stage. I got a chance to open there a couple of times when I first started and it was an electric experience. I was totally not ready to do it when I did but it went well. I’d sure love to get back there again.

Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t. But I’m still happy for Frank. A lot of people aren’t. He’s done quite well for himself and a lot of good things have happened at exactly the moment they needed to. Show business has a lot of dented cans who can’t stand to see anyone else do well no matter who it is. They think if someone else does well they are getting left out.

Show business is brutal. It’s not for the squeamish and pussyfooters get toes stepped on. A lot of things have no rhyme or reason and insanity reigns freely. If you want logic get in the detective business. Logic solves crimes but it has nothing to do with show business. A lot of people with talent never make it big and a lot of people make it big without talent.

That’s just how it is. There are a lot of factors other than raw talent that have to do with who does or doesn’t make it big in show business. Frank just happened to have the lottery numbers that came in and he won big. Does he have talent? Absolutely. He’s loaded with it. But it was a lot more than that with him. He also had timing and a fantastic work ethic.

Frank opened for me at a bowling alley in Waukesha, WI his first time on stage. He was working at a batting cage and my friend Steve Hall took his son there to train for baseball. He asked me if I would do a benefit comedy show so his son’s team could earn money for a tournament in Ohio and I said I would. Steve suggested I use Frank as the opening act.

I remember telling Steve I’d find my own opener but he was sold on Frank. He said that Frank would break everyone up at the batting cage with his impressions and that he could easily do the job. Against my better judgment I agreed to it and I remember watching him that first night. He was very raw and all over the place but his impressions were dead on.

After the show Frank came up to me and was very polite. ‘Mr. Maxwell I just wanted to say I really enjoyed being able to open for such an accomplished comedian as you.’ I was very impressed by his sincerity and I told him ‘Kid, three years from now I won’t be able to get you on the phone. You’ve got something and I can see it right now. Enjoy the ride.’

He didn’t know what I meant but I could see it that night. He just had ‘it’. His presence was there and not developed yet but the impressions were. He nailed them all. The crowd loved it as they do all good impressionists. For a first time on stage he did extremely well.

The problem for the impressionist is that it’s a false love. The audience loves the people they are impersonating but not the guy doing it. It’s easy to get a big head when the crowd cheers and goes nuts for the voices and I’ve seen a lot of guys fall back on an impression.

Another thing about impressionists is that they’re technically not really pure standups. It doesn’t matter to the audience but to other comedians it can be looked at as a crutch. That causes a lot of angst with monologists who don’t do anything else but tell jokes. That’s as difficult as it gets but nobody in the audience knows or cares. They just want a show.

They’re just as happy to laugh at an impression or a prop or a song parody as a joke. It’s a lot different viewpoint from the audience to the performers. Most straight standups have a disdain for anything other than that. Ventriloquists, magicians, mimes, musical acts and especially jugglers are loathed and disrespected. That’s not really fair but I can relate to it.

It’s damn hard to come up with original standup comedy and when some idiot juggling bocce balls or scarves gets a bigger cheer from a room full of drunken hillbillies it hurts. I know how difficult it is but I also understand that the audience doesn’t care. That rots ass. I also understand that if someone has a knack for doing any of those things they should do it. If they can make a living entertaining people more power to them. I’m not against that.

Why should they have to care if I or any other comedian approves of them? Carrot Top is hated by most comedians but the public loves him and he’s rich beyond belief. So be it. Frank Caliendo is looked at like that by many as well. They think he ‘got lucky’ and gets by with doing impressions. Well, he DID get lucky and he does get by with impressions.

But there’s a whole lot more to it than that. As I saw him come up the ranks he did a lot of things right. He used to instant message me online for advice and I’d give it to him. To his credit he listened and made a lot of smart moves. He made a few mistakes too and that happens. Boy do I know that. I’ve made more than my share of my own but he recovered.

What impressed me most about Frank was his work ethic. He was ALWAYS willing to go on any radio station that would have him and be a guest. Many comedians wouldn’t do that for stupid reasons like ‘it’s too early’ or ‘that’s not my audience’. Frank always did it and not only did he show up he had some funny material ready to go. That’s very smart.

Where he lucked out was there was no impressionist for this generation. He was it. Rich Little and Fred Travelena’s time has passed. They’re old and their impressions are too but Frank nails the current ones and that’s important. He does a few that haven’t already been beaten to death. His John Madden is amazing. Who else does that one? He owns it now.

Then he got on the NFL show and Mad TV and got management and all kinds of things started happening for him. Was he lucky? Hell yes. We should all be lucky like that. He’s caught a lot of breaks but he’s also worked like a dog to get into a position to make those breaks happen. The people who are jealous probably don’t realize how hard he’s worked.

People try to get in my face about Frank all the time because we’re from the same town. He’s ten years younger and making a hundred times more money. Hey, good for him. I’m not able to do ONE impression. He can. The public loves what he does and he’s good at it and my hat is off to him. But don’t think it’s all luck. Frank Caliendo earned his success.