Freezer's Palace

Saturday January 19th, 2008 - Milwaukee, WI/Lake Villa, IL

How cold was it? It was so cold my brain froze and I couldn’t think of any jokes about how cold it was today. This is the kind of day I’d like to see Al Gore and all his moronic psychobabble about global warming get strapped in a speedo to a sled and left at the side of the road to turn into a popsicle. He should start a campaign to fight global stupidity.

Who the hell do we think we are that even with all our pollution and mismanagement of natural resources that we can think we make a difference in the temperature? Old Mother Earth is still running the show and today she put a little deep freeze on us all. Anything on this planet with testicles got a lot closer to them today. This one was just downright nasty.

This is the kind of weather I remember as a kid. Snot freezes along with everything else and the walk home from school seemed like it would never end. Snow days? Sure we had a few but those weren’t that bad. It’s the days like this right after that made winter hell. If they had told us about global warming back then we’d have all laughed. I still do today.

Days like this makes people want to stay indoors and do nothing. I know I wanted to but I promised Mike Marvell I would do a benefit show for his son’s wrestling team. If I say I will do something I always try to make good on my promise and I wasn’t about to cancel on a day’s notice. I’ve had people do that to me and I know how it feels so I showed up.

There was a nice crowd in the Knights of Columbus hall in South Milwaukee. Mike has been doing this for a few years apparently and word must have gotten out. They didn’t get rattled by the cold and when I got there they were laughing and in a good mood. A few of the Milwaukee comedians donated their time as well and it turned out to be a fun event.

I did about twenty minutes and that’s like a night off. The audience loved it and they all hooted and hollered and after the show came up and shook my hand and asked me where I’ve been and why I haven’t been on the Tonight Show and that made me feel really bad. I have been trying for years to catch a break and for whatever reason I’m still drowning in a sea of obscurity. I know those people didn’t mean any harm but it sure made me feel low.

I need to get in front of someone who can help me get to the person who can give me an opportunity to break down that door. I know I’ve made some mistakes but none should be enough to keep me from my spot in the sun. I want to work the big time rooms and have a core of fans that love my show like they did tonight. I’ll make it worth all their whiles.

I’m hoping the King Of Uranus will help me push through that door but whatever it is it sure has been difficult to find. I know I’m ready to break through somewhere but where is it? And when? I’ve been waiting a lot of years and I’m beginning to think I’ve been had.

At least I was able to help Mike out with his cause. He and everyone were very grateful and thanked me over and over again and that’s good enough for me. For a night off I had a chance to help someone and I’m all for that. But I still need to find a way to get a break.