Another Hell Gig

April 12th, 2008 - Richland Center, WI

Tonight was my first and last appearance in scenic Richland Center, WI. I hope the few people who were there enjoyed it because they’re not going to see it again. In fact I didn’t even want to finish the show when I was up there and almost walked off several times. If I didn’t like the guy who booked it so much I would have gotten in my car immediately.

Fletcher Lee is the guy who booked the show. He’s been very nice to me for years and I like him very much. He’s honest and hard working and he never claims his gigs are going to be anything but an agreed upon amount of money. Most of them are ok and I just did a couple recently that went very well so this one was unexpected. I wish I’d turned it down.

I also made it worse by leaving later than I wanted to because I had some work to finish up on my Gene Perret correspondence writing course. I wanted to finish that all up as it’s my last installment of a twelve week course and this is my final exam to be critiqued by a master comedy writer of all time. I thought that pulled rank over Richland Center, WI.

I wound my way through the two lane back roads on US Highway 12 and of course that was the exact time it started to rain, sleet and snow and every conceivable combination of those three things imaginable. That made me later and it was frustrating but I felt good for having finished my lesson and sending it in on time. The deadline was midnight tonight.

The show was in a sports bar’s upstairs hall and when I got there the opener had already come off. There were about twenty people sitting there looking at me like I owed them an explanation. They had a free drink from the bar and that’s about all they really cared for. I could tell I had wasted my time as soon as I walked into the room but I was already there.

Everything was wrong about this gig. The mike chord didn’t connect well and there was a short in it and it went out time and time again. I didn’t really need a mike I guess but it’s more professional that way so I didn’t want to give up that power. These people didn’t get it. I don’t think any of them had ever been out in public before much less seen comedians.

They rudely talked with each other from time to time and one idiot even took a call and talked out loud for a couple of minutes. I wanted to just put the mike down and go home but I thought of Fletcher and stayed on. He would have a hard time getting paid and I did not want to lose my pay either since I already drove through snow and sleet to get here.

There was an especially obnoxious imbecile who had a deep gravely voice and he kept interrupting right at my punch lines. He had impeccable timing I’ll give him that. He had a knack for blowing any chance of me getting a rhythm going with these hard conditions. I tried to be calm and not let it bother me but finally I snapped and really let him have it.

The owner was downstairs and didn’t watch and these people were not worth my time to explain how to act at a comedy show. These are the people I talk about in my closing bit that shouldn’t breed. I wasted my night tonight and also gas but at least I got paid.

I need to be more careful of what I say yes to anymore. I didn’t make out all that well by the time I paid for gas and something to eat and it sure wasn’t a gig to do for fun. I had an awful time and the harder I tried to entertain this group of bumpkins the more they didn’t want any part of it. I have no idea why the bar tried comedy but I know they lost money.

There was a hotel involved but I told the owner I didn’t need one and he was upset as he already paid for the room. I told him I would drive over there and take care of it and I did. The people at the hotel were very nice even if they had a few teeth missing and I decided I wanted to cut my ties with Richland Center, WI once and for all. I left and it felt fantastic.

I’ve worked way too hard to bring myself down by doing these self esteem killer shows. They’re not even shows, they’re frustration sessions. I never thought I’d say this but there is no thrill in these shows anymore. I’ve done it so many times any kind of exhilaration is squelched by the disappointment of having to slug it out with drunks one more evening.

I like to work at my craft of comedy not my babysitting skills. All I did tonight was take potshots at various babbling boobs who were never taught social graces in their trailers. It might sound condescending and I suppose it is but I won’t allow myself to keep offering a well crafted show up to crowds who don’t appreciate it. I’m not a whore, I’m a call girl.

One thing that has been going very well in the last few days is my off stage work on my act. I worked hard on the plane trip west on writing down ideas for my Gene Perret course and today I handed in an assignment I’m proud of. I worked on it and put my time in and I will get something out of it in the near future. Gene has a knack for helping me improve.

We have a great synergy together as mentor/student. I try to get in the heads of my own students and when I hook up with someone like a Vince Carone or Tony Talley or several others it’s a total win/win situation. It’s fun for me and I can see improvement in them as well. It’s the same way here with Gene. I’m the student this time but I can feel the spark.

This is the fourth or fifth time I’ve taken his course and it’s worth every penny and a lot more. Gene wrote for Bob Hope and Phyllis Diller and Bill Cosby and a lot of others and he shares stories about how they came up and it’s always interesting and informative. I’ve learned a lot from this particular session as well and I’m glad I put the effort in yet again.

Comedians would probably make fun of me for taking the course once much less all the times I did but I don’t really care. I’m learning and improving and I can feel it. I now have 35 new jokes I wrote and they all pertain to being Mr. Lucky which is what I told him the main focus of my act should be. I broke the jokes into subcategories and he’ll critique it.

The next thing I need to work on is the movie script I’ve been letting sit way too long. If I had worked on that tonight rather than wasted my time in Richland Center I’d be in way better spirits than I am now. Plus I’d be able to save the wear and tear on my car. I learned a lot tonight and even though I got paid it will be a much better payday if I have a finished script to sell or Uranus Factory Outlet making money for me. Farewell Richland Center.