Half A Day Off

Monday April 28th, 2008 - Chicago, IL

Half a day off today. Usually on Mondays I run around like a raped ape and make a pair of trips into Chicago. One is by train to be on WLS and the other is by car to do Zanies in some capacity. This week I only had to be on the radio because Zanies took a night off.

I was still feeling low about the whole mess in Topeka and didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. I couldn’t and wouldn’t do that to Jerry and the other guys because that’s no way to be a good friend and team mate. We have a commitment and I will honor my part.

It doesn’t mean my heart was in it though. I just didn’t feel funny today. Some days I’m bulletproof and nothing can stop me. Then there are days like today when I feel like I’m a complete waste of humanity and don’t want to leave the house. Nut job? Bipolar? Maybe.

I do know I’m not the only creative type that feels that way though. I think it goes with the territory. That pendulum swung in Topeka and I really felt it today. It wasn’t anger at all. It was disappointment. I didn’t intend to have that result at all. All I wanted was to do a great show and make a room full of people laugh and get paid and drive home. That’s it.

I didn’t intend to have to be a one man riot squad and have to try and match wits with a table full of frat boys in a room full of idiots who had no idea what I was trying to do. It’s a feeling of frustration and emptiness and disappointment and it makes me question life.

But we had a radio show to do and nobody cares about my problems. That’s ok. I’m not asking for that. I have to say it sure didn’t do the self esteem any favors to have Jerry tell us he received an email asking ‘Why are those idiots on? I’ve never laughed ONCE.’

Hey, thanks for the vote of confidence! It’s always nice to have hate mail. At least I can stay humble another week. Normally I laugh at stuff like that or even take pride in it but it stung to hear that today. Jerry gets it all the time but that’s his job. He’s a talk show host.

I’m a comedian. I just want to make life better for people and in turn feel better myself. I am good at what I do and I would think after all these years of polishing my craft I’d be a lot farther along than I am but I still have to fight drunks in Topeka and get hate mail.

At least if I was paid well I could insulate myself from it a little. I could keep the idiots at bay a little but now I am right there mixed in with everybody. I don’t have a choice. I’ll have to find some more work in the Topekas of the world for the next while to pay bills.

I was glad to have the night off at Zanies tonight. I just didn’t want to deal with anyone today. Sometimes I just need to be by myself and today was one of those times. I watched some vintage Rodney Dangerfield DVDs I have and laughed all over again. He’s the man.

But he wasn’t a happy guy either. When I met him I could see the pain in his world too. Is that what it takes to be a good comedian? That’s a heavy price to pay for those laughs.