Stress Test Passed

Wednesday April 9th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL/Oroville, CA

Nothing like starting out the day with a dose of major stress. Acid reflux and an air tight bung hole are the two ingredients I always want to have as part of my day before 6am and today that’s exactly what I got. It eventually cleared up but I didn’t know that at 5:35 as it dawned on me I was intending to be on the road by 5 at the very latest. I was pushing it.

I needed to be all the way on the south side of Chicago to get to Midway Airport for my 7:20 flight to San Francisco so I could rent a car and drive 200 miles to Oroville to do my show at the Gold Country Casino. I originally booked it thinking I’d had a weekend out in Salt Lake City and this was going to be my plane fare but they bumped me in Salt Lake.

That happens and I’m not upset about it but I thought I’d be able to cancel the casino as well and just rebook the whole run at a later date. Nope. They’re booked by two different people and the guy with the casino gig said they don’t like cancellations so I had to do it.

I guess I didn’t HAVE to do it but had I cancelled it would have been a black mark for me with that booker and I don’t want to do that. I am a man of my word and if I say I will do something I really do try my best to do it. That being said I still overslept and was late and no matter how noble my intentions were I was in danger of missing my plane totally.

There was an upside down rollover accident right at the entrance of the freeway where I get on and traffic was backed up for miles. I inched ahead while turning on the radio and I heard the traffic reports talking about how bad this accident was and of course how that’s the only place in the area with any backups whatsoever. It was kind of funny but then not.

I really didn’t want to miss my flight even though I would barely break even by the time I paid for the plane and parking and gas and the rental car and food. I finally made it past all the mess and lit it up as fast as humanly possible in my Honda. I was pushing 80 and it didn’t feel like it so I hit 90. I was going to do everything in my power to make that plane.

I took 294 South to I-55 North and then it backed up again. I pulled a stunt I would not normally do an drove on the shoulder past the jam up and got off on Cicero Avenue for a final race against the clock to see if I could make it. By now it was nearing 6:45 and I was ready to pop a blood vessel in my brain at any moment. My stress-o-meter was red lining.

There was a woman talking on a cell phone blocking the remote parking lane and I laid on the horn until she finally got the message. She could see by the look in my eye I wasn’t kidding so she moved on without incident. Good for her. Good for me too. I don’t need to add a murder charge to my already growing list of problems. I just wanted to get there.

Catching the shuttle bus was a different story. I just missed one and the next one was on the other side of the lot and all I could do was wait for it. I could feel my upper and lower cheeks dimple up with pressure and I stood there rocking back and forth hoping it would do some kind of good getting the driver to hurry up and come across that lot. It didn’t.

He finally showed up and I got on and then it took a few more minutes to get back over to the actual terminal but we did and I ran all the way to the ticket counter which wasn’t a problem because it was pretty empty. They said I wouldn’t be guaranteed to get my bag at the same time the plane showed up if indeed I made the plane. I sprinted to try to make it.

Airline security has got to look for the most clueless people they can find who still have a need to exploit their authority. I politely told the lady who was supposed to examine my ID and boarding pass that I was in a huge hurry and could she please slide me through.

She looked at me like I just stole her last nacho chip. Then she stared at my license like I handed her a Where’s Waldo puzzle and then she started talking to her cohort on where to go for lunch later. I thought I would have to beat her to death right there but she let me go and I got to the gate just as they were closing it up. I was the last person on but I made it.

My heart was pounding as I found the last seat on the plane but then I realized that I did make it and rather than focus on almost missing it I thought about making it to Oroville to do the gig there. Last time I worked there I had a similar situation and it was a major issue getting to the place just as the show started. It was also major stress and I barely made it.

I was on the plane though and it was a lot earlier than last time so my chances were very good I’d make it in plenty of time. I did a crossword puzzle and then worked on my Gene Perret comedy writing course exercise which is due Saturday. My stress went away and it was a productive four hours in the air as I got a lot done. I almost didn’t want it to land.

When we landed I got right on the tram and picked up my rental car and headed out for Oroville. There were no glitches from that point on and I thoroughly enjoyed the beautiful scenery of Northern California. I’ve always loved it here and I love it even more when the clock isn’t ticking to get to a show. I made it to the casino at 4pm and checked in relaxed.

The shows here haven’t been the greatest but I keep working here because the money is pretty good and the accomodations are top shelf. They give us a Jacuzzi suite and feed us and they really want comedy so that’s always nice. This gig usually paid for my flights.

This week there was no place else to go so I just looked on it as a vacation. When I got to the sports bar where the show is it was emptier than I’d ever seen it. Red flag. But then at show time there was a mad rush and for whatever reason they were there to see comedy and they were by far the best audience I’ve ever seen here. They made it a total pleasure.

I had them from opening to closing and then there was a line afterward to both meet me and shake hands and surprisingly enough buy a CD. Casino gigs are a tough sell because I don’t pretend to be able to compete with slot machines but not tonight. They bought a lot.

If I had to break even on a gig this wasn’t bad at all. The openers were both very funny and nice to work with and this was a pleasant experience all around. I’m glad I didn’t give up and miss my plane. Two hours of stress vs. the rest of this day was worth the tradeoff.