Catchup And Flustered

Saturday September 20th, 2008 - Cary, IL

I don’t like being off on Saturday nights. Period. I’ve had more this year than I can ever remember and part of it is my fault. I haven’t been keeping up on my booking schedule as I should and coupled with clubs closing left and right I’ve got a Swiss cheese calendar.

I did get some work done though so it wasn’t a total loss. I put a dent in my emails and I felt a little better every time I hit the ‘send’ button. I shaved about 200 or so off the pile of 500 plus that built up so I still have a lot more to go but at least I did get the ball rolling.

This morning Jerry Agar called and asked if I wanted to go see his son Tanner’s football game and I couldn’t say no. Tanner is a great kid and this was the big homecoming so that was one I couldn’t miss. Tanner hurt his shoulder and has been out but he played most of the game on defense and did fine. Usually he’s a running back and also returns kickoffs.

Jerry said the kids love it when I come to their ballgames and plays and school pageants or whatever they’re doing and I guess I didn’t really think about it. I’ve known all of them since they were born and they’re all super kids and it makes me proud to see their growth. Their mom and dad show up and I thought that was what was really important, not me.

If I can make a kid happy I will ALWAYS do it. That’s what I live for. Over the course of my life I’ve dated several women with kids and I usually end up liking the kids at least as much if not more than the woman. I don’t know what it is but they are drawn to me.

Seeing all the parents at the game today supporting their kids and cheering them on was very bittersweet. The more I sat there the more bitter it was. I am NEVER going to have it and all the excuses of why I couldn’t play sports in high school are just as stupid thinking about them now as they were back then. I got cheated and there’s no way to change that.

I know I wouldn’t have played in the NFL or maybe even been good enough to play on the freshman team at Welding Academy or Diesel Truck Driving School but it would’ve been FUN and all these years later I’d have great memories and not a dark empty void.

I’m still happy for Tanner. He won’t be having these regrets when he’s my age and I’m thrilled about that. Nobody should. I couldn’t control it back then. My grandparents didn’t want me to play sports because they thought I’d get hurt and/or blow off my studies. Ugh.

Whatever injuries I might have had would now be healed and I was an A student for all four years. School was always a breeze for me for whatever reason and I got good grades without even trying. Why couldn’t I have some fun playing football? I still don’t like it.

This makes me even gladder that I never stopped my dream of being a comedian even if it did get hard at times. I know a lot of people that did stop and they must feel about it as I feel about football. There’s an emptiness inside and it never goes away. I don’t want to be that way in comedy too so time to keep working. 300 emails to go and then it’s bookings.