Delicate Decision Day

Wednesday September 10th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL

Lots of running around today trying to squeeze too many things into too little time. I am trying to keep everything straight but I feel like I’m building a house of cards and I have a guy throwing pepper in my face trying to make me sneeze it all down. It’s very delicate.

No news from the Craig Ferguson show today but that’s ok. I didn’t expect it. I did look over my set again and I really think it represents what I do pretty well. It isn’t what I open or close with in a regular club set and that’s good. If and when I ever get to appear again I will have an even stronger and more polished set to deliver. This one’s safe but still solid.

It’s time to get moving on my other projects too so I had lunch with Shelley my website host and her daughter Greta. Greta is about four and a cute kid and I love cute kids. I even love the ugly ones too. Farting around and making a kid laugh really soothes my soul. It’s never hard either. Their standards are WAY low but when I hear them giggle it’s the best.

Greta was a good giggler and that made me feel like I accomplished something. Shelley and I talked a little about how we are going to move forward with my website restructure and also about the Uranus site too. She’s behind because her sister in law is behind and it trickles down to me. Her sister in law is the one with the web business and I have to wait.

That’s been ok up until now but it’s time to stop talking and start doing. My other site is down and has been for months. That whole situation is really eating at me and I got a call from Joey Callahan in Philadelphia about it. Usually Joey calms me down but today it did exactly the opposite to me. I know he meant well but he ended up putting gas on the fire.

Yes I know I should ‘let it go’ and ‘put it in God’s hands’ and ‘just forget about it’ and all the other Hallmark Snoopy poster slogans but I admit I’m having a problem with that. I am trying to be upfront and honest but that is one thing that gnaws at me and won’t quit. This is what an ugly divorce must be like and in a way it is. We were business partners.

I told Joey it would be like putting a plate of broccoli and some heroin in front of John Belushi in 1982 and telling him ‘John, you know you shouldn’t do that heroin. Eat some broccoli instead. It’s better for you.’ Sure it’s better but I don‘t think he‘d take one bite.

I feel the same way. Sure I am aware I should just ‘let it go’ but how difficult is that? If I could I would but I can’t. I was really stung by not one, not two but three guys I thought were my friends but the main one was the guy Joey and I both know. We knew each other since working at WQFM in Milwaukee back in 1990 and that makes it even more painful.

By him doing what he’s doing with the other two goofs they’re diluting what I’ve put in place for fifteen years. It will probably end up killing both and that would really make me sad but it could happen. When I was involved in pro wrestling in Milwaukee in the ‘80s it was a lot of fun and ran smoothly. Then in the ‘90s it split into various sliver groups and a lot of fighting started happening and none of them ended up lasting. I fear the same here.

This is a delicate situation and I thought about it a lot today. It’s like the computer game Free Cell I like so much because one subtle play of a card can win or lose the game. It’s a big challenge when the games get difficult and I look at this as one big Free Cell game. If I win it or lose it it will be by the way I play these cards and this is a difficult game now.

There is a part of me that wants to go and get a large piece of wood or metal and beat all of them into one big pile of viscous goo and be done with it. They are attacking me at the very weakest place in my psyche that has been picked at by many idiots before them. I am not proud of it but I can totally see an ugly result if we should happen to cross paths now.

I don’t want that to happen and I will do all in my power not to have to be in their space if I can help it but sometimes I can’t help it. What’s really grinding my pelvis is that they are all smug and snickering about it and think it’s funny that I’m so angry about what they are doing to something I’ve spent so many years perfecting and polishing. They taunt me.

If I could call the police I would but I can’t. I still can call the IRS on them and I’m to a point of anger now when I seriously thought about doing it today but I just don’t want that kind of vibe around me right now. I wish they’d just quit and go away. I know they’re not making any money at it because I’m not and I started the damn thing fifteen years ago.

It is all a big rusty knitting needle up the urethra of my inner sanctum and I can’t take it much longer. I know Joey was trying to help but today he didn’t. He lit me up even more. I went out and took my walk and if ever there was a day to do that it was today. I calmed down a lot and then came back and started to think about what the next smart move was.

Calling the IRS was not it. As a last resort I could do that but I hope it never has to sink that low. I just want to move on and do good things. I decided to sit down and look over a calendar as to when I could do classes at Zanies again and I mapped out a plan of action.

I also have some interest to teach up at Giggles in Milwaukee. I think that could be a hit if it’s marketed right even though a few other wanks think they’re ‘teachers’ up there too. I still don’t get it why people with limited to no comedic ability want to teach classes. Is it to hide that fact? I do it to give back but I have ability. Even my enemies will admit that.

This is all a lot of unneeded BS in my opinion but it’s real and I’m dealing with it. I will have to play my cards very gingerly if I am going to win this game but I do think it can be done. The first thing is to stay positive and busy and not dwell on the three evil stooges. If I do that I’m sunk. It will fester and gurgle and then divert me away from all the fun stuff.

Teaching classes is FUN to me. I love it. I sent my dates to Zanies and I wrote an article that can go on any club’s website so any comedy wannabe can start learning about it and also learning who I am. If I am going to beat these other guys I have to market myself. It’s all about the marketing and I know that so if I don’t do it it’s my fault. Those three pukes are lazy and have no real credibility with anyone. I am definitely not lazy so I have to like my chances since this has now turned into a war. I wish it hadn’t. It’s all so stupid to me.