This Is A Big Mess

Friday September 26th 2008 - Lake Villa, IL

This is the end of the world as we know it. This whole financial mess is going to be our end of the Roman Empire. I hate to sound like Chicken Little but the sky really is falling. I don’t know who or what to believe anymore but I do think something ominous is ahead.

The evangelists are all saying the Antichrist is ready to rise but I heard that fart gas back in the ‘70s when I went to church camp in the summer. The world was supposed to end in 1982 because the planets were all going to align. Then it was 1988 because Israel became a state in 1948 and Jesus was supposed to be back to put and end to insanity. Too bad the only one then who was trying to stop any insanity was Susan Powter. Where is she now?

Will the world blow up? Will there be one world government? Will we all be slaves for some ominous unseen master or an outer space race of nasty lizard people who only want us for cheap labor? Will Jesus come back? I’m having doubts he was here the first time.

I really am getting skeptical in my old age and I wonder if that’s good or bad? I am only searching for the unshakeable absolute truth and the more I search for it the more theories I read that catch my interest. Having the Mothership Connection radio show has also been a part of this process because it’s causing me to delve into places I’ve never gone before.

Who the hell is really running this joint we call home? Nobody seems to ever be able to nail down that answer, do they? It’s ‘God’. OK, great. SHOW me. This is a beautiful little planet stuck out in the boondocks of the cosmos and I refuse to believe we’re the only one with life on it. Maybe I listen to Coast to Coast AM too much but I really think about this.

It’s odd that all this kind of stuff is hitting me at this stage of my life. I always just went along with the program and considered myself a believer in God and Jesus and that whole racket but I really do have my doubts. I’m sure Muslims and Jews believe what they have been taught by their loved ones but anyone who is smart will question it as they get older.

My grandfather totally did and he told me I would too. I remember him talking about all the religions and how he thought they were all a big scam. He took a class called ‘World Religions’ at night school and I remember him going to the Unitarian church on Sundays right before he died. I never did talk to him right at the end about it to see where he was.

I don’t want to think like this but I’m being honest. I don’t believe there’s some magical guy in a robe who sits on a throne all day and has angels passing out harps and robes for a bunch of people who jumped through some hoops during their lives while everybody else is frying like an egg for being naughty and drinking and smoking. None of that feels right.

This is all going to affect my comedy too. I’m already starting to think of new angles to approach and make this funny because in many ways it is. If there is a God figure He will understand because I’m not the only one who is thinking these things. Hey, at least I think at all. Millions of other humans don’t even try that. They’re too busy at war or boozed up.

There are also a lot of them who like me are trying to live a good life and be peaceful to their fellow humankind. As I get older I marvel at the wonderful souls I’ve gotten to cross paths with during my time here and I really am in awe. So many of them are gone now if I heard I had a short time to live it wouldn’t even upset me. I wonder if they’ll be waiting?

Bill Hicks was a guy I got to meet and found very interesting. He was a few years older than me but not many and he died of lung cancer at 34. He was a comic’s comic and a lot of people tried to imitate him but never really got it. He was a brilliant guy and we did hit it off the few times we met. He was very friendly and wanted to experience all of this life.

I read an interview with him right before he died and he was actually very upbeat about it. He said he looked forward to ‘going on the ultimate journey’. That’s kind of how I feel about it too. Everyone dies and if there is another life after this one I want to experience it to the fullest. If there’s reincarnation I hope I don’t have to come back here. This rots ass.

Nobody is going to know until we get there but I’ve got a lot of people who I’ve known who are over there if indeed there is a there to go over to. I know comedians and a cousin and my grandparents are there too. I have lots of friends who died too and I don’t know if it’s exactly the whole heaven and hell thing but I sure would love to visit them all again.

I remember the psychic I met years ago told me in her trance that my father and I would meet again in the next world and he would ‘come to me with his hat in his hand and BEG for my forgiveness’. I wonder if it will be too late then. I needed him while we were here. I’ve got a lot of other people I want to see and if he came to me I don’t think I’d stay long.

All these are deep rambling thoughts but I couldn’t help but think about it as I shot past every other channel which had the debates on looking for some entertainment. Do people really think either of these two schmendriks are going to have any answers for our world? I couldn’t be any less interested and I’m sad to say that too. This world is not my home.

I still love America or what it used to stand for (or what I thought it stood for) but now I think that’s over. This bail out thing isn’t a bail out - it’s a sell out. Who’s going to put all that money up? It’s not us - we don’t have it. It’s the World Bank or the Federal Reserve.

Depending on who you believe that’s the whole Illuminati thing and we just sold out all our home loans to a world government and nobody owns anything anymore. Did we ever? I don’t know. I’m just glad I didn’t spend my life chasing the almighty buck like many do.

Yes, I tried to get rich and famous too and was a volcanic failure but at least I did chase the things I loved doing. If the economy collapses and we start all over with whatever we start with there are going to be a LOT of disillusioned people who lost their life savings.

I was already disillusioned but at least I got to live my life for ME. No matter what was in my way I did the best I could and made the most of my piss ant little meaningless life. I wasn’t born in the in crowd but few are. I hope I’m wrong but I think we’re in big trouble.