Comedy Contest Winner

Sunday November 30th, 2008 - Chicago, IL

Just when I didn’t expect it I ended up winning a comedy contest at Zanies in Chicago. I wasn’t even planning on showing up actually. Tonight was my partner Scott’s last time to be on the Mothership Connection radio show in Kenosha and I’d planned on doing that.

Zanies is celebrating their 30th anniversary this year and they’ve been having a monthly contest to find the funniest people in different walks of life. They had one for doctors and cops and teachers and a few others and they even had an open call where anyone could be in it, even comedians. Since I teach comedy classes I was asked to compete as a teacher.

I ended up winning that night but didn’t really plan on showing up for tonight. In fact it didn’t even cross my mind until Bert Haas reminded me of it a few days ago. I tried to get out of it because I wanted to be on the radio show but Bert said he was counting on me to be there and if there’s one thing I can’t do it’s let Zanies down. They’ve been good to me.

Any time I need a few bucks to squeak by Zanies has always booked me without a hitch or worry. They’ve been great to me and I’ve been loyal to them and I’m one of their main ‘boys’ along with Larry Reeb and Tim Walkoe and precious few others. It’s an elite club.

There are certain places I couldn’t get into with a ticket, a crowbar or a police escort no matter what I do but that’s how comedy, show business and life works. If somebody likes a person it makes doing business a whole lot easier. Zanies likes me and I‘m SO thankful. Being able to win this contest out of the blue so unexpectedly really made me feel great.

Comedy contests in general are very stressful. I never liked them and never will. It’s not usually pleasant for anyone but the one who wins and the wrong one usually wins. Maybe I was the wrong one tonight too but for whatever reason the stars aligned and I got lucky.

I’ve been in these situations before and drawn a bad number or had to follow somebody who wasn’t easy to follow for whatever reason and I’ve blown more than my share of this kind of scenario. Tonight I drew number four out of ten and that was the sweetest spot.

The audience tonight was absolutely HORRIBLE. They were very tight to the point of it being comical in itself. Patti Vazquez was the emcee and she did a nice job but the crowd just stared at her for ten minutes. She tried to get them going but they wouldn’t give it up.

The first three comics were not bad performers either but none of them got more than a slight peep out of the zombie like cluster of humanoids. I went up fourth and with my fast talking hard hitting style I got the most I could out of them and kept punishing them until I ran out of time. I opened them up a little but not like I’m used to. This was a tough nut.

After I was done I went upstairs to watch football and hang out with comics. That’s the real fun of these kind of nights and I didn’t worry about how I did. I knew I did the best I could and after 25 years of crowds like these I’ve long since learned not to let it get to me.

I didn’t see how the others did but I didn’t have to because I didn’t hear any big laughs or applause breaks while I was upstairs. If it did happen I’d have heard it but it was more of the same. One comic after another came upstairs and said ‘Geez, they’re really dead.’

And they really were. There’s no way to predict what kind of crowd will show up for a contest final or even worse a TV show taping. Woody Allen used to talk about how much of a luck of the draw situation it was concerning a television appearance. IF they were on the same wavelength it could mean a return appearance and the start of a fantastic career.

If they weren’t into it or simply weren’t big laughers it could mean a long time or never before there would be another chance. The audience really does have a lot to do with how breaks fall for a comedian and this one wasn’t giving anyone anything. They were tight.

Still, on this night in this contest for this year I was the winner. As I heard Patti call my name it occurred to me my name had never before been said directly after the words ‘And the winner is…’ and I kind of liked it. No, I really liked it. It’s been a lot of years coming.

Does this contest mean anything? In reality, probably not. Not in the big picture. I am in with Zanies to the point of being like family so it won’t help me in that regard to improve my stead with them but it doesn’t hurt to be representing them for the next little while for however they might want to use me. If nothing else it will be a nice credit for their flyers.

Whenever I play a Zanies the flyer usually says ‘former WLUP radio morning man’ and recently it’s been ‘heard on WLS radio with Jerry’s Kidders’. Now I’ll have ‘The Zaniest Person In Chicago - 2008’. Will it sell tickets? I doubt it but it still means a lot to have an actual endorsement from Zanies and I did win the contest fair and square. I didn’t cheat.

The funniest thing of all is that the grand prize is a trip to L.A. to go to NBC to watch a taping of the Tonight Show. Ha! What a perfect jab from the cosmos. I’m sure Jay will be delighted to meet me especially after all this insanity with my ex partner. Maybe I’ll get a picture with him after all. Or maybe I won’t. Either way I will wear my title very proudly.

I’m sure I’ll get a mention or two in the local papers or at least I hope I do. Supposedly I will also get a guest spot on the show ‘190 North’ to talk about the classes. That wouldn’t hurt at all and I will take all the publicity I can get. If this opens some doors then so be it.

The main thing is to keep slugging and keep a good clear head like I’ve been having for a while now. Is that at least part of the reason why I finally won something in my life? I’ll bet it had at least a little something to do with it. I can feel myself doing some things right and this was part of the result. If I keep doing things right more good things will follow.

This isn’t the end though. It’s just the beginning. December is here and I need to put my head down and plow through the holidays and prepare myself for 2009. There is so much work to do I barely know where to start but I will make a place and start anyway. I will be happy about this for a day and then it’s back to work on the big picture. On to Uranus!