The Packers Are Pukers

December 7th, 2008 - Milwaukee, WI/Lake Villa, IL

I can feel myself tiptoeing through a danger zone. I was on a great streak there for a nice long run and I was thinking clearly and not letting anything bother me. I made some solid progress and started to actually feel some momentum go my way. Then I wrecked my car.

I really liked that car and it was serving me extremely well. I bought it at a bargain price and there was no reason I couldn’t have gotten a couple of years out of it. I already started thinking of how I could replace an engine or transmission to keep it running for years and years. Now it’s destroyed and I had to settle for another car that’s not nearly as special.

The new one I just bought might be a flaming chunk of road poo. I can only hope that it will serve me for a while at a good price but I’m not so sure. It has a sputter in the engine and seems to need either a tune up or something worse. Now I’m playing with the odds of what it could be and in my life when I’ve had to play the odds they haven’t been kind.

The brakes are also a little spongy and the exhaust is just starting to show signs of wear. I bought it because it was a Camry and I’ve always heard how great they are. The one that just got wrecked was a super cherry and I’m growing sorrier I lost it by the tick of a clock.

I’ll take the new one in and have it looked at and hopefully just a tune up or a fuel filter or something will take care of the sputter but who knows? It could be something that will take it from bargain price to major investment. That ruins the whole idea of the auction.

This is a lot deeper than a car though. Why do I have to buy junker cars anyway? I have bad credit, that’s why. Why do I have bad credit? I lost my house in Utah when I lived out there in 2000 and had a radio show. Why did I lose my house? I lost my radio job. And it all goes on from there. So many things have blown up in my face I’m just numb to it all.

Making a solid plan to get my life on track is not easy. Executing that plan is even more difficult. I thought I was starting to make some positive noise when the next noise I heard was a stolen Pontiac Grand Am hitting my passenger side door at 11:35pm Wednesday.

It’s what I do next and then after that and then after that that will decide how this turns out. Smart choices produce desirable results. I don’t like the results of what happened in a split second after making a decision to get a quick meal after a show but was it dumb?

I don’t know. Was it pure chance? I don’t know that either. Maybe I’m supposed to earn yet another merit badge from the Cosmic Cub Scouts of the universe who sent me here to navigate my way on this offbeat little planet. I sure didn’t expect to be doing any of this.

The key is to keep getting back up and not give up. I will find a car that’s reliable and if it isn’t this one I’ll still live. I’m trying to be smart with my money and thought I’d gotten another gift from the auction powers that be but apparently this one isn’t such a clear cut winner. It’s going to take some work and that’s going to distract me from my real work.

One thing that won’t distract me for quite a long time are the fortunes of my formerly beloved Green Bay Packers. They stink so bad right now I’m ashamed to say I’m a fan. I didn’t get to see the game today and that turned out to be a positive. They lost to a bunch of school girls on the last play of the game. They have been stricken from my to do list.

Whatever magic and positive chemistry there might have been last year is now GONE and what’s left is a mediocre crop of losers who can’t come together and win a game of tiddlywinks. I don’t want to hear excuses about injuries or anything else. I want WINS.

I had considered maybe going to see them since they were home the last two weeks but I didn’t pursue it very hard. My friend Jim McHugh was working not far from Green Bay last night and we had talked about maybe buying some tickets for today. I’m sure glad we didn’t do that. I’d really be in a salty mood and my problems wouldn’t be any smoother.

What did happen was Jim was able to pick me up at the airport in Milwaukee so I could return my rental car on time. I was wondering how I’d get home but it worked out exactly right. Jim showed up on time and I appreciated the favor and we like to hang out anyway.

Jim is a very funny comic and he is also having financial issues. He and I have not been as good at the business part of show business as we could have and that’s about as big of an understatement as there ever was. Check that: WE STINK at it. We are both struggling to make ends meet every month and he’s got a wife and two kids. This is not desirable.

We had a meeting over a pizza at the Blackthorn Grille where we ran a few shows a few months back. The shows weren’t that great but the staff is and the pizza is delicious so we decided to stop in and hash out a few details for what we both want to get done in 2009.

He’s running the Chicago Comedy All Stars and trying to get that concept going just as I am trying to get my comedy classes and Uranus Factory Outlet concepts up and running. Actually the classes are up and running but they could be taken much farther. That’s what I want in 2009 along with establishing Uranus Factory Outlet as an actual business entity.

Just like with the Packers I don’t want any excuses of why I’m not making my very best effort on anything. I want WINS. I want to get the payoff for all those years of slugging it out so I could get to this point and actually have half a clue as to what I’m doing in life.

I can’t let a wrecked car wreck my positive vibe too. I am still a little sore physically but that will soon go away. My mental soreness has to leave immediately. Whatever the cause it needs to end. I can’t let this take me out of my groove. It was way too hard to get in it.

This week will be a test. I have a lot of choices to make on a lot of different things and I don’t want to let myself get out of my positive groove. I have to consciously think about what I want and how I’m going to get it because I truly do believe thoughts are things and sometimes it’s easy to load up on anger and negativity. I can’t let myself get bogged down by that now. One way or another I’ll fix the car and have something reliable to get to gigs.