Pathetic Packer Party

Monday December 22nd, 2008 - Chicago, IL

The Green Bay Packers can collectively kiss my untanned fuzzy dimpled Caucasian ass. If that’s what they call professional football then I want out. I want all the years back that I stupidly gave them my allegiance and loyalty and cheered for them to defeat all the other teams in the NFL. I want a refund for all the trinkets, baubles and doodads I ever bought.

I want a written apology from that lard ass goof bag coach who looked on the sidelines tonight like he was either pissy drunk or missing a few important chromosomes. He had a blank stare on his face the whole game and it looked like an episode of Life Goes On out there. Mike McCorky is my age and making millions and I feel cheated as a customer.

Bill Gorgo invited Jim McHugh and me over to watch football and sample some of his world class soup. Bill makes a mean soup in many varieties but tonight it was Navy Bean. It was great fun hanging with Bill who is a Bear fan and Jim who is a Packer fan. Bill also invited his ex wife over who loves the Bears so we were even up cheering at two and two.

The soup was fantastic and we had a lot of fun and laughs during the game but then that quickly faded at the end when the Packers botched the game like they’ve made a habit of doing this whole season. Numerous heads need to roll and if it were up me they’d be gone next Monday morning the day after the last game. These guys flat out suck raw pig ass.

I am officially now a fair weather fan and tonight the weather wasn’t fair. It was brutal - just like the team’s performance. They lost in overtime to a cruddy Bears team and that‘s what makes it worse. They stunk it up the whole first half but still came back to win it.

What a great scam the NFL is. They’ve got 32 teams and it’s like 32 different drugs. It’s not important which one a person gets hooked on as long as they’re hooked. There are 31 flavors at Baskin-Robbins to choose from and the NFL has 32. My flavor is ‘Packer Nut’.

I wish we wouldn’t have even turned the TV on after dinner because we were having an extremely enjoyable evening. Bill is a master cook and we all sat around talking about our comedy memories while we ate and threw lines back and forth and it was all really fun.

There were actually a few worthwhile moments during the game and the Packers were dominating much of it but at the end they just lost it and gave the game away with a lot of stupid mistakes. It’s a lot like life I guess. Some people get on a roll for part of it but then do something stupid and blow it all before they can experience how true victory can feel.

Watching that game tonight was like watching a life go down the toilet. I sure hope it’s not my story. The last thing I want to do is fart around for a lifetime doing halfway decent things and then blow it all in the last minute like the Packers did tonight. What a downer.

Life is supposed to be FUN. Sitting around watching the piss ant putrid Packers puke is not my way of spending quality time with friends. Next time the TV won‘t even be on.