An Even 1000

Saturday December 13th, 2008 - Howard’s Grove, WI/Lake Villa, IL

According to the myspace.com counter this is exactly my 1000th entry into my infamous Dented Can Diary. That’s pretty remarkable since I started on a whim just so I could keep track of my adventures and also get some writing discipline into my life. It’s worked well.

I haven’t missed a day since I started and now it’s a daily part of my life like showering or brushing my teeth. If I didn’t do it I’d feel like something’s missing. The fact that there are people reading it doesn’t really come into play at all. I write what I’m feeling. For me.

There really isn’t a reason to post it on a public forum other than to hopefully inspire or motivate other dented cans to continue in their own struggle. Life isn’t easy and if I’m out here slugging it out in the trenches I hope that writing about it can be of help to someone.

The good thing about it is it keeps me honest. I lay out my life warts and all so if I ever flip out and do something monumentally stupid the authorities can go back and sort it all out and see what made me snap. Maybe everyone should start one of these. What if there was a diary of 1000 days in the life of Jeffrey Dahmer? Do you think that would get read?

I don’t plan on killing or eating anyone so maybe nobody other than the people who are reading it now will ever see it in this lifetime but maybe future generations of dented cans will be able to use it as inspiration to keep going. I know there are people who need that.

Lots of people are dented cans. I wish that weren’t true but unfortunately it is. Abraham Lincoln is the ultimate example in my book of one that succeeded beyond the expectation of virtually everyone else including himself. He overcame his dents and built a solid life.

That’s all I’m trying to do with mine too. I’m not looking for pity or sympathy because I know I’m by far not the worst off of anyone out there. I never thought that but our pain is personal and unique and all of us have varying degrees of it. Dented cans have a lot more.

Someone who isn’t a dented can is Jeff Foxworthy. I’m still on a buzz from the show so he’s fresh in my mind but he’s a perfect example. Does he have problems? Absolutely but they’re not the problems of a dented can. He’s a good looking guy with an education that married a beautiful woman and then pursued and succeeded at his dream. That’s amazing.

Who doesn’t dream of doing something like that? We all do but precious few of us ever come even close to attaining it. Jeff did and I’m happy for him. He’s truly a great guy and is not phoning it in at all. I watched his show yesterday and could see the effort he puts in and was very impressed. Even after all his big success he continues to work on his craft.

Jeff is a guy who is very grateful for what he’s been given and says it freely. He’s got an unbelievable life and he appreciates it. Good for him! I think that’s how it should be in all of our lives but it totally isn’t. Jeff had good parents and in turn is a good parent and has a great relationship with his wife. His can isn’t dented and those are the ones people BUY.

It takes a lot of special circumstances to get someone to buy a dented can in the store. It has to be either marked down drastically in price or put in a special place in the store with all the other mangled and dented products or there has to be a disaster where the store has no way of getting more supplies and it’s an emergency. That’s the category I seem to fit.

I know I’m a wack job and I’ve never denied it. There are different degrees of crazy and we all are to some degree but there’s a difference between cutting the crust off of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to putting severed human heads in a freezer. I’m in the middle.

A lot of this boils down to the old heredity vs. environment debate. We all have unique circumstances and how we respond is up to each of us. Jeff Foxworthy had good parents and he was and is a good guy so that produced positive results. What if Jeff Foxworthy’s parents had raised Jeffrey Dahmer instead? What would the result have been? Different.

We all get what we get in this life and then it’s a matter of having to deal with it. I had a set of circumstances to deal with from birth that a lot of other people didn’t. Plus I had an individual personality that matched up with it and that had made me who I am right now.

My siblings had similar circumstances in some ways but they’re totally different people and they reacted differently and we’re so far apart at this point I doubt if we’ll ever even speak to each other again. I’ve tried and tried but none of them will respond and it hurts.

I don’t claim to be without faults and that’s another part of why I write this every day. It helps me lay out my weak points so I can hopefully improve them. Getting it out of where it’s hiding in my head and in on a printed page helps me keep a positive flow and not rot.

It’s amazing how things can change so quickly. On Thursday I felt about as low as I can imagine and thought I was in a major rut. Working with Jeff Foxworthy on Friday put me right back in a great space and has lit all kinds of hope candles in my darkest mind ports. I needed a major boost and totally got it. THAT’S what I hope can pump up all my readers.

Tonight it was right back in the middle ground again. I had a holiday party in Howard’s Grove, WI which isn’t far from Sheboygan. My friend Marc Schultz got this gig and I had it on the books for a while. It was in a place called ‘The Wagon Wheel’ for 60 people that work for the Kohler Company. What a difference that was from working the night before.

They had a sound system that appeared to be from the Korean War era that immediately blew out about three minutes into my show. The bartender got me the mike they use when they call bingo and it sounded horrible but that’s what I had to work with. I did my best to entertain the people with the situation I had and I did that. They laughed and applauded.

Had I had this gig right after the one on Thursday I don’t know what mental state I’d be in but the high from the big show is still flowing so it didn’t bother me at all. I got paid to act like an idiot which I do for free anyway. Now my focus is getting more of the kind of shows I had on Friday and less Wagon Wheel Christmas party gigs. That’s my mission.