Pinheads And Paradise

Wednesday September 15th, 2010 - Eau Claire, WI

   The pinheads in life always seem to have some degree of persistence to make them even more annoying than they already are. The crusty old geezer that yelled at me at Zanies last Monday seems to think he’s going to strong arm me into his way of thinking. What a dolt.

   He’s going on long rants on his apparent brilliance about comedy, trying to convince his cluster of other clueless newbies to think I’m the idiot here. Whatever. They haven’t even gotten paid one dollar yet, but they know all the answers. Good for them! It must be very comforting to wake up every morning knowing all there is to know about the comedy biz.

   What they don’t know are all of the darkest, most evil and underhanded dirty tricks I’ve learned over the years so when cockroaches like this slide out from under the fridge, I can stomp on them before they crawl to safety. Sometimes idiots need to be taught a lesson.

   Supposedly, Mr. Fuzz Nuts is supposed to go up and do a Rising Star Showcase in two weeks at Zanies. Well, guess who gets to host that show? His introduction is in my hands, and mine only. I am completely responsible for setting the tone for his audience and I can do or say anything I want. Hmmm, I wonder if he thought of that? He should. I sure am.

   Bert Haas always likes to say “There are a lot of ways to say f-you.” And he’s correct. It isn’t very smart to piss off the host of a showcase to get into the biggest clubs in Chicago that could provide the most paid work, but that’s what he’s done. Apparently he forgot to think about any of that when he went off on his little one coot crusade to trash my name.

     We’ll see how quickly he learns a valuable lesson in two weeks. I don’t normally waste my time with imbeciles, but this cocky bastard needs a size 10 shoe in his ass. He’s trying to be a bully, and I’ve never suffered those or idiots well. He’s both. Bring on the games!

   I’ve learned more than a few secrets in my day, and I’ve been saving some for a special occasion. The last thing these people want or need is my undivided attention, but they’re a stone’s throw away from getting it. If anyone gets messed up here, it’s going to be them.

   On the bright side, I worked a fantastic gig in Eau Claire, WI tonight with Steve Purcell at a place called “The Fanny Hill Dinner Theater”. Funny name, great place. The audience was there to laugh, and Steve and I both tore the roof off the joint. What a fun evening we had, and the owner said he’d love to have us back. I hope so. This was a total pleasure.

   This audience was razor sharp, and they got the subtlest of jokes. The sound and lights were perfect and everything clicked from the first ten seconds. This is the kind of venue I want to find for ‘Schlitz Happened!’ It’s more theater and less nightclub. It was perfect.

   Wasting my time arguing with morons won’t get me anything but frustrated. This is the place I need to be putting my energy - paid shows in quality venues. Those wanktards will never achieve that on a regular basis so why waste my energy on them? This is more fun.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary