Tuesday October 18th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL I needed a couple of days to cool my jets and distance myself from the horror of having to sit helplessly and absorb the agony of the Milwaukee Brewers getting their aspirations handed to them, by the St. Louis Cornholes no less. I’d rather have had a Tabasco enema. What an unpleasant experience it was to say the least, and I feel emotionally raped. I’ve been waiting since 1982’s unbearable loss in the World Series to these same Missourians, a state full of inbred genetic mutants that makes Alabama look like the Harvard campus. Milwaukee may not be braniac central either, but we’ve paid more than our fair share of dues as baseball fans and losing like they did snapped something in me that’s permanent. I’ve wasted enough of my life cheering for a bunch of losers, and that was the last straw. There were no moral victories, and winning the division means nothing. Nyjer Morgan was the hero for one game, but that will now be overshadowed by his juvenile mistake of tweeting his taunts toward the team that ended up pounding them right back up his bilge. I’m sorry, I’m pissed. I was pissed watching it happen and I’m still pissed now. I had to endure the tortures of Rene Lacheman to Franklin Stubbs to Bryan Clutterbuck and all the other vast array of jamokes, jabronies and ham and eggers that have worn a Brewer jersey in the years since the fizzle of 1982. Chuckie Carr. Derrick Turnbow. It just doesn’t quit. I don’t care about the Cubs not making the World Series since 1945. Too bad. That’s no excuse. The Florida Marlins didn’t even exist until 1993 and they’ve already won not one but TWO World Series titles. It’s evidently doable, but the Brewers couldn’t make it pop. Their pitching was brutal at the end, but so was their hitting. They couldn’t whip cream with an egg beater, and they got spanked by the underdogs. At home. And, they were flat out out-managed by that boozed up old coot with the foppish hair style that nobody seems to like but those who play for him. This was a big deal, and the Brewers crapped the bed. Sorry, that was it for me. I gave them my heart and emotional support since my earliest baseball memories, and I’m sick of playing the role of head chump. I’m declaring myself a free agent fan, just like Prince Fielder is going to declare himself a free agent player in a few weeks. I’ve played out my option with the Brewers, and I won’t keep getting stung. Why am I even caring about any of this anyway? This is the same argument I have with the Packers, but at least they came through with a Super Bowl I could enjoy before I’m at a nursing home getting my diaper changed by a burly Samoan male nurse with a hangnail. They’re undefeated and having another stellar season, so they’re building brownie points. The Brewers just lost all of theirs. Fire them all. Trade them all. Screw them all. I’m SO done with them, and as a paying fan of going on forty years, I’ve bought that right and I’ll do with it what I want. It feels like an old couple getting a divorce. Enough is enough.
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