Parental Discretion

Wednesday October 19th, 2011 - Fox Lake, IL

   I can feel myself growing as a person at an amazing rate, and it feels fantastic. It’s all on target, and what used to be major roadblocks are now little glitches. I used to feel like life was a perpetual plunge into the abyss, with an occasional nugget of good despite myself.

   Now it’s flip flopping, and I couldn’t be more delighted. Life is a daily adventure, and if something does happen to misfire or I have an off day it’s just a glitch and I’m back in my groove the next day. This is how I’ve always thought life should be, but somewhere along the way I lost my bearings and veered way off course. I’m making up for lost time now.

   I did a few things right, like avoiding drugs and alcohol altogether. That would’ve made things a whole lot harder, and I don’t regret leaving them alone. Another smart call was to not put a wife and especially children through my tumultuous ride. That would’ve made it not only hell for me, but by now I’d have had kids who would hate me for not being there.

   I wasn’t ready for marriage or children, and thankfully I knew it. Too many others miss that hint, and end up creating more problems for everyone as they pound out dysfunction machines that don’t get properly nurtured and prepared to handle life. Then, the rest of us pay for it the entire time they’re alive. Prisons and strip joints are full of bad parent jobs.

   This life thing is NOT easy, and unless a kid gets some love and attention and nurturing from at least a parental figure if not the real thing, the chances of figuring it all out on his or her own are about as slim as Stephen Hawking’s chances of getting drafted in the NFL.

   I’m a late bloomer to say the least. Hopefully, I’m not too late and I miss my window of opportunity to make a positive difference in someone’s life. It was hard enough to survive and make it as far as I have, much less be able to help anyone else - even through I tried.

   Being a nice guy has gotten me nowhere, but that’s who I am. I laugh at the people who think I’m this flaming wank pole, and there are more than a few. If they’d only take a few minutes to get to know me, they’d find I’m generous to a fault. I’m not that mean spirited ogre some people think I am, including my siblings. I’ve tried to make peace, to no avail.

   Too bad for all of them, because I’m a good person and getting even better all the time. I didn’t say perfect mind you, just good. Improvement has been steady, especially the past few months since my diabetes diagnosis. That has turned out to be a wonderful blessing.

   Now, here I sit still single and wondering if I’ll ever find someone to share all this good energy with. It took way too long to get here, but I’m here and don’t want to have to keep going it alone forever. I’ve been casually dating several women lately, but no keepers yet.

   I’m scared, but if I don’t get out there and kick some tires I’ll never find anyone. Maybe I won’t get my chance to be a parent, but I’d make a hell of a step dad. I know how to talk to kids, especially dented cans. What is love? I really don’t know, but I’d like a taste of it.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary