Cream And Bastards

Thursday April 19^th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   I’m in one of those moods where I question the very reason for not only my existence, but that of the entire world. Why are any of us here, and why don’t we have a concrete reason? Doesn’t it seem like a big waste of time and energy to be stumbling through life without any real purpose?

   It does to me. I still haven’t figured anything of significance out in all my years of existing on a crazy out of control planet, and I feel farther away from any answers now than I ever have. It just feels so random and half assed, and I don’t think life should work like that. But who am I to say?

   I would think there should be SOME kind of logical order in all this insane chaos, but I haven’t found it yet. My grandfather’s saying of ‘cream and bastards rise to the top’ hits home now more than it ever has. Something’s wrong. Why isn’t life fair? I don’t know, and it’s driving me crazy.

   The good seem to die younger and younger, but the scumbags won’t. Why has Charles Manson managed to live this long and get free meals, medical care and housing? Not only that, he’s even got women (plural) who want to marry him? This is insane to me, but it’s true. And it’s not a one shot deal either. Ted Bundy and ‘The Night Stalker’ Richard Ramirez had chicks want them too.

   Really? I can’t get a date on a Saturday night because the divorcee with three kids I ask out has a headache or needs to get her toenails painted and blows me off, but some psychotic murderer in prison gets panties and nudie pics mailed to him by the pound. Something’s WAY wrong there.

   And I can think of at least one hundred comedians like myself who have been out there busting ass bones for decades trying to bring a few laughs to the world and scratch out a humble living in the process, but we’re still unknown and fumbling through life in squalor and obscurity. But then I see idiot after idiot get constant network television coverage when they didn’t even ask for it.

   I find the human race as a species to be filled to the brim with stupidity, selfishness and having absolutely no hint of a clue as to what life is even about. I know I don’t know, and it’s frustrating beyond words. I’m also trying my best not to be stupid or selfish, but that’s not working out very well either. The more I learn, the more I don’t know. And I could do more to help others as well.

   What does any of this mean? I wish I knew. I get up every morning with the best of intentions, but then at the end of the day I’m usually disappointed with how little of substance I’ve actually managed to accomplish. Maybe I’ve done a little something trivial to please myself in the short run, but as far as making a lasting contribution to the greater good of humanity – failure again.

   There are some very solid people in this world, and I’m striving with all my might to be one of them. But there are far too few others in my opinion who are complete wastes of a perfectly good orgasm. They’re eating our food and breathing our air, but what they give back doesn’t add up to what they take. They’re dead weight, and slowing down whatever progress needs to take place.

   Again, who am I to say any of this? I’ve got my own problems trying to survive myself. I know I’m an idiot too, and it doesn’t thrill me in the least. I’ve got sky high aspirations in life, but have no idea how I’m ever going to attain them. Sadly, I probably won’t – and that’s so disappointing.

Posted via email from Dobie Maxwell's "Dented Can" Diary