A Dallas Flashback

Wednesday August 20th, 2008 - Dallas, TX

Deep in the heart of Texas. I’m back in Dallas after a long absence and I’m the only one who knows or cares. This is the place I intended to call home when I first left Milwaukee many years ago. I bought a Greyhound bus ticket because this was the farthest place away from Milwaukee back then that I could afford to buy a ticket. Not L.A. Not Miami. Here.

At least I was smart enough to buy a round trip ticket. Even back then I knew I may not be ready to sprout my wings and as it turns out I was totally right. I was going nowhere as a cook at a steak restaurant called ‘Rustler’ and I knew I needed to get out of Milwaukee.

Dallas seemed exciting to me and I still don’t know why. I never really was a fan of the TV show and I sure as hell can’t stand the Cowboys but I had heard good things about the town and decided this was where I was going to make my mark and start my comedy life.

I quit my job in mid shift when I was going on my break. I will never forget the look on the salad bar girl’s face when I told her what I was going to do. ‘Tell them I quit and I am never coming back. I can’t stay here anymore.’ There was a look in her eyes of ‘PLEASE take me with you.’ Looking back on it I bet she would have come along if I’d asked her.

The feeling of sheer adrenaline in quitting a dead end job was fantastic and then getting on the bus was even better. I had never been much of anywhere at the time and I was just out of high school and SO green and inexperienced but I knew this was what I wanted to do. I knew that it would be an experience and whatever happened I could recover from it.

I had a couple hundred bucks and some clothes and I set out to see the world. Getting to St. Louis and seeing the Gateway Arch for the first time was a big thrill that sends a chill down my back whenever I see it even now. It symbolized freedom and coming of age and chasing the big dream. I was 20 years old and my spirit of adventure was trying to bloom.

Crossing the Texas state line back then was another thrill I relived today when I did it in my car. I thought of how much time had passed since the last time and how far I’ve come and I was really proud that no matter what blew up in my face (and a lot did) I didn’t quit. Almost a quarter century later I’m driving a dented Honda but I’m still living the dream.

I remember very vividly getting off the bus and getting my duffel bag from the bowels of it and thinking to myself ‘Ok genius, NOW what?’ I had no contacts here and no idea of where to go to look for a place to live or a job or even a decent meal. I had looked in a few Dallas newspapers at the library but this was before the internet. I wasn’t prepared.

The sinking feeling hit me in about five minutes that I was no where near ready to make a move like this at that time. I didn’t fight it though. I went to the ticket counter and asked when the next bus back to Milwaukee left and it was in four hours. I took that time to just walk around downtown and see as much of the city as I could before I would have to suck up my pride and get back on the bus and return home. I’d bitten off just a little too much.

That ride home was one of the longest most painful experiences of my life since having the humiliation of flunking my first driver’s test but that’s another story for another time. One major life disappointment per day - that’s my rule or I’d be here typing until October.
What made the bus trip even worse was that I had gotten on the one that made twice as many stops as the last one did. We stopped in every little town and burg and Hooterville from Dallas to Milwaukee and many of them were familiar as I drove down here today.

McAlester, OK is one of them. There’s a prison there apparently and I remember back to that trip when a woman was on the bus and got off to meet her husband who had just been released. I heard her talking about it and she was all excited and I could see he was too as he smiled from ear to ear and showed the five or six teeth he had left. It was vivid.

That whole experience was and is vivid in my memory I’ve done a bit about a bus trip for many years that has gotten huge laughs time and time again. That was the trip I took and retracing those steps today was a surreal experience. It was an odd sort of reunion or something. I felt like I was going back to see my comedy kindergarten and I guess I was.

Even though it was a long drive it seemed nowhere near how long that bus trip felt. It’s like looking at the yard from childhood as an adult. It seems a lot smaller now. This was very similar. The trip wasn’t as far as I remembered it and it wasn’t really that big a deal. I kind of get the feeling death will be the same way. It won’t be as big as everyone thinks.

A lot of the thrill is gone for me for a lot of things, or at least the feeling of awe. When I got on that bus it felt like I was climbing into a spaceship to go to Alpha Centauri. All this time later driving the 1100 miles myself in my own car didn’t seem like a big deal at all.

Tonight’s show was at the House of Blues right downtown. They only started comedy a month ago so it’s still new. The room they do it in is pretty nice and the sound system was outstanding. The staff couldn’t have been any nicer from the GM to the manager to all the bartenders and servers. Even though the crowd wasn’t huge they still enjoyed the show.

Afterward they told us how much they loved us and I think they meant it. I could tell the staff were big partiers and they brought out shots for us and I had to politely decline. That isn’t always easy because many people don’t get the concept of someone who doesn’t like to drink. I don’t care if someone else does but for me I’m not interested. Not an easy sell.

To turn down a staff who wants to go nuts can be really bad for rebooking purposes. It’s considered a slap in the face by many and I know I’ve lost work over the years because of it just as it’s gotten work for mediocre comics in the past. That’s just how it works out.

I’m glad I took this gig for several reasons. Coming back to Dallas all these years later I can see how far I’ve progressed and it’s enormous. I also am enjoying the company of the opening act Lee Adams. He’s a very interesting guy with some great stories of working in the music business for years. We rode together to split gas costs and that helps both of us.