Mediocre Monday

Monday August 18th, 2008 - Chicago, IL

Not the greatest of days today. It started off by me oversleeping and almost missing my train into Chicago to do Jerry’s Kidders on WLS. I didn’t have time to shower so I put my clothes on and sprinted for the train station. It’s about a six block trek but today it was an opportunity to almost have a heart attack. I need to get in shape yesterday and I know that.

I was wheezing and panting and sweating and embarrassed as I got to the train just as it was pulling in to the Lake Villa station. Youth is gone and I don’t think it’s coming back. I am out of shape and full of bacon and need to do something about it or I’ll be a statistic.

The crossword puzzle in the paper was screwy too and I wasn’t clicking on the clues. It usually stimulates my brain to do a daily crossword puzzle but today it just frustrated me. This particular puzzle just wasn’t clicking and for whatever reason I couldn’t figure it out.

Maybe it had something to do with the obese Pakistani woman who sat next to me with a rancid stench that smelled like the inflamed decomposing colon of a bison. There was more than one empty seat available on the train but of course she had to sit next to me for an hour and clear my sinuses with her fetid ass ripeness. Doesn’t Allah allow any soap?

I tried to ignore it but I couldn’t. I wanted to just stand up and say out loud ‘Would you PLEASE remember to wash your bung hole tomorrow morning?’ I’m still sorry I didn’t. I’m sure others had to smell it too. I’m fine with other cultures…as long as they all bathe.

Our show on WLS was nothing to be proud or ashamed of. It just was. We kept sounds coming out of the speakers for a half hour and nobody complained but I doubt they’ll tell their grandchildren about it either. Sometimes people have off days and today we all had one simultaneously. Maura Myles does news and she was sharp as usual. She saved us all.

I did hear from my friend Joey Callahan in Philadelphia and that’s always a highlight. I think the world of Joey onstage and off and it was just his birthday this week. I called him to wish him a happy one and he called back and we chatted for a while as I fought the big traffic nightmare on my way into the city to host the Zanies rising stars showcase tonight.

The audience was pretty big and I thought it might be a hot show but it was again just as mediocre as the radio show was. I wasn’t the only one either. There were several acts that had a tough time and that happens. For whatever reason this was just one of those days.

John Fox came in and he was in rough shape. His mother died very recently and he was in a sad mood. I gave him a nice plug from the stage and afterward he came over and said ‘Thanks buddy, I sure needed that tonight.’ Then he gave me a hug and squeezed it hard.

It lasted a little longer than was comfortable but I could tell he was in pain and I always liked John as a person. He never hurt anyone else and was very encouraging to me when I started. I’m glad I could pay him back a little. He’s a dented can too and I felt his pain.