Wasting The Day

Tuesday August 12th, 2008 - Chicago, IL

I didn’t do a damn thing today to forward any of my dreams but I still had fun anyway. I promised Kristi McHugh I would show her some of the sights of Chicago because she has never been here before so that’s what I did. I love Chicago and was very happy to oblige.

Our first stop was the Museum Of Science and Industry. Our class took a field trip there when I was in grade school and I’ve loved that place ever since. When I first got to town I visited a few times but the last one ended on a sour note. I went with a blind date that I’d talked to on the phone but never seen and when I did see her I knew I was in deep do-do.

She wasn’t attractive at all and not that I’m Brad Pitt myself but this was about 20 years ago when whatever sex appeal I may have had hadn’t been beaten out of me by life yet. It was the longest drive of my life from her house where I’d met her biker father all the way over to the museum. Bikers repulse me anyway and I knew I was in for a long ugly ride.

I was thinking of a way to fake a seizure or choke on a piece of popcorn or something to get me out of the vice grip of dating hell but alas no such luck. I had to walk in with her at my side so all the good looking single women would write me off because I was matched up with Sasquatch’s litter mate - ‘SIS-quatch’. On top of that she had a bad attitude too.

She was complaining about everything from how cold it was in the place to how boring it was to how far we had to walk from the parking spot and after about ten minutes inside the museum I told her ‘Look, I’m going to enjoy myself at the museum today whether it’s with you or by myself. If you don’t like me or my car or anything else please leave now.’

That really set her off and she started to raise her voice and I just turned around and left her there. I kind of half expected to see her stuffed and mounted on a wall someplace but that’s more of a Field Museum exhibit. I was relieved when I got there she wasn’t around.

That was about twenty years ago give or take a couple and I realized I hadn’t been back in way too long. The price of admission was $13 which was a lot higher than I’d recalled but it was the best money I spent in a long time. We walked through and had a total blast.

Kristi is really a sweetie. She’s from Iowa originally and as she said today as we walked around ‘I’m just a li’l ol’ farm girl.' Well she looks like a Playboy centerfold so that’s not a problem with me. I grew up in Wisconsin and there are lots of farms there too. Plant on.

We just walked around and enjoyed the exhibits and it was worth the $13 and more. It’s been so long since I’d seen the place that most of it was new to me but there were still the old standbys like the U-505 German submarine and the coal mine and it was all fantastic.

This is the kind of stuff that makes life worth living. I lived in or near Chicago for much of my adult life and I haven’t enjoyed the city as much as I need to. I can guarantee if I’m alive another 20 years I will make it a point to schedule more visits to Chicago’s hotspots.

After the museum we drove down Lake Shore Drive and I showed Kristi around a little. She noticed the Buckingham Fountain that is featured on Married With Children and also Navy Pier. I took her past Wrigley Field and Comiskey Park and Soldier Field too. After a tour of as many Chicago things as I could think of we headed off to Chinatown for dinner.

Chicago’s Chinatown is one of the first places I came when I moved here. I used to hear my grandmother talk about it with reverence. My grandfather would take her out to dinner on her birthday and it was a special thing to them. I’d never been there but I’d heard about it for years and somebody offered to take me there so I went to see what it was all about.

Then I went to San Francisco and saw what they called Chinatown and I realized I’d not been to one at all. That one makes Chicago’s version look like a strip mall China buffet. I still like going there once in a while and tonight was one of those whiles. It just felt right.

We hung out in a place that had sushi which I’m sure isn’t Chinese but they served it as if it were. We were the only ones in there and it seemed like we were bothering everyone in there and keeping them from watching the Olympics. They were cheering for China in a diving event and I wanted to stand up and yell ‘U-S-A! U-S-A!’ I’m glad I refrained.

I’ve heard all kinds of stories of Chinese mafia connections and one time I was here and there was a shooting and the paper said it was Chinese gang related. I didn’t want to be an article in the Beijing Bugle tomorrow about taking a bullet to the brain for making a joke.

This whole day was really enjoyable and even though I blew off work I got a call when I was in the museum asking me to do a week in Nashville in October. I need the money and will be glad to head down there and it couldn’t have come at a better time. I appreciate it.

I also did a nice long phone interview with a radio station in Bakersfield, CA. There is a woman named Anne Kelly who decided she wanted to interview comedians during her air shift and I think it’s great. The booker who booked me in Topeka sent out a mass mailing and I responded and today we did the interview. It went really well and I’m glad I did it.

This came about because I didn’t burn the bridge when I easily could have. I don’t have a clue as to where if anywhere this will lead but Anne was an absolute sweetheart to deal with and she’s very good on the air too. We taped an interview which she said she’ll play at a later date and who knows where it will lead? Would I perform in Bakersfield? Of course.

These are the kinds of things I have to keep doing. She let me plug the Uranus website a lot and laughed out loud when I told her the idea. This is the kind of publicity that can get me known all over the world and I see now that I’m on the right track with this. It’s a BIG winner. I know how to do interviews and I also know I can get a lot more of them as well.

Shangri-la for two days ends now and I have to drive to Duluth in the morning but I did really enjoy yesterday and today for all the right reasons. I did fun things with as good of people as there are anywhere and I can’t think of too many things better to do than that.