Dirty In Decatur

Wednesday August 27th, 2008 – Decatur, IL

Decatur, IL – take TWO. I walked up to the desk clerk at the hotel and said ‘Let’s try to do this again.’ We both laughed and I checked in and then went to the sports bar to check in with the person in charge there. I confirmed I was indeed where I needed to be tonight.

I also learned I’d be working with an opening act I’m not fond of. I saw his picture next to mine on the wall and winced. I’m not going to mention his name because I really don’t want to build any more tension between us than there already is. We’ve clashed before.

His act is absolutely FILTHY. Period. I don’t want to have to follow that and neither do most headliners who work decent venues because it drags the audience into the toilet and doesn’t do anyone any good. If a headliner chooses to go in that direction it’s a choice the headliner should be allowed to make. An opener should NEVER set that kind of a tone.

I am about as far from a prude as can be. I grew up around foul mouthed bikers and that kind of language doesn’t shock or offend me at all but I absolutely do not want anyone on stage in front of me to use it because it burns out an audience in a hurry. This guy doesn’t get that and thinks he’s ‘blowing me off the stage’ when in fact he’s blowing his career.

The problem is most bookers don’t really care who is matched up on shows. They’ll fill spots like putting pegs in holes and not think twice about who’s opening for whom and if it is a good fit or not. This particular match is a bad one and it bothers me to have to still deal with this kind of stuff all these years into the business. I’d rather bring my own act.

More than one booker has told me over the years ‘I put the questionable acts with you. I know you can follow anything.’ Gee, thanks a lot. I guess it’s nice to hear that but having to follow a mismatched opener doesn’t do me or the whole show any good. It’s annoying.

The worst kind of act to follow is a dirty one and this guy is right in the gutter. He uses ‘the words’ but also the content is graphic and disgusting and together it makes following it extremely difficult. I’ve tried to tell him before in a nice way and he just doesn’t get it.

What’s funny to me is that his promo says a line like ‘it doesn’t have to be filthy to be funny’ but he’s one of the worst offenders I’ve seen in a long time. He should listen to his own claim and follow up on it. It takes a whole lot to make me cringe but he surely did it.

I don’t want any personal jags with the guy and if I had my way he and I wouldn’t ever be booked on the same show but that’s just not realistic at this time. I try to be cordial but I can feel a tension between us and I’m just not up for that at this stage of my life. He’s a few years older than me and started late in comedy but that’s not my fault. Act like a pro.

I’m going to try and ask him politely to please tone it down tomorrow in Rockford but I have serious doubts that he’ll do it. I’ll give him a shot but if he doesn’t I’m going to call the booker and at least complain a little. I hate to do that but he’s way over the line here.

This is getting to be a bigger and bigger problem in comedy. When I started there were a lot fewer rooms to work with a lot fewer comedians and chances were at least the act in the closing spot had some experience and if an opening act got too blue or went to long it was dealt with. It didn’t have to be nasty or mean but it usually was handled very quickly.

I remember a couple of guys mentioning something to me when I was coming up and it wasn’t meant to humiliate me at all. I remember one time I was an emcee and tried to get a laugh in the middle of the show before I brought the headliner up. It was a graphic joke about someone taking a nasty dump and not flushing and it wasn’t the right mood setter.

The headliner was a guy named Tommy Sledge and he was a wily road veteran. He’s a great guy and a real pro and when he told me that I knew he was right and apologized for my mistake and said I’d never do it again and I didn’t. At the end of the week I could tell Tommy was appreciative of it because he came over and told me so. I got his message.

He wasn’t doing it to ‘cramp my style’ or ‘censor my artistic voice’. He was doing it to help me learn the ropes and just letting me know I needed to go in a different direction. It totally made sense and I appreciate him taking the time to do that. Many guys won’t. It’ll be a matter of a call to the booker and that’s the end of it. I am thankful Tommy was nice.

I try to be nice too but that doesn’t work with the guy I’m with this week. Like a lot of newbies he thinks he’s going to change the rules to suit him and that everyone will come running to make him the next big thing in comedy. His ‘routine’ about oral sex is way too graphic and isn’t very funny at all and I could see people squirming in their seats tonight.

I went up and purposely didn’t swear at all tonight. Not once. I don’t have to and in my opinion nobody really does. Sometimes some spicy language can punctuate a bit and that is the discretion of the comedian but it should come later in the show. Doing it up front is a good way to lose the crowd for the whole show and nobody wants to be on stage then.

In my opinion no opener or even feature act on a three act comedy show needs to use a single ‘F-bomb’ for their entire show. Sometimes the situation dictates or the mood calls for it and occasionally that’s fine but to have it be a written in part of the act isn’t needed.

I counted about 15 ‘F-bombs’ before I walked out of the room. Then I came back and it had changed to a sermon about giving oral pleasure to a woman complete with vivid and graphic descriptions which were beyond good taste in a hotel sports bar in Decatur, IL.

People need to learn to be a COMEDIAN first. Fundamentals are important and THEN a comic can choose which direction to go. Some will choose to work blue and that’s fine but it also limits the places to work and why would anyone new want to do that up front? I’ve had clashes with several comics over the years but I still maintain I’m in the right.

I tell my students ‘clean leads to green’ and I mean it. If a comedian can work clean in most environments it’s the best way to get booked back. Even if people are laughing it’s a tough sell to bring a dirty act back again. Comedy is not easy but that’s part of the fun.