Tuesday December 14th, 2010 - Somewhere At Sea Easy and glitch free is just not how my life works. Tonight was one of the most difficult nights of comedy hell I’ve ever had to endure. I thought this kind of mortal combat would be over at this stage of the game. I was sure I’d be counting my residual checks and living a life of leisure by now. I better guess again. I’m ready for a massage and a week of sleep. Rough weather continued to be an issue and we weren’t able to dock at Grand Cayman Island as planned due to safety concerns. A number of passengers were upset, and voiced their displeasure quite vocally to the cruise director Wee Jimmy. I like Jimmy a lot and it wasn’t fair that he had to take the brunt of the complaints, but that’s part of his job duties. Not only weren’t we able to dock, that meant we weren’t able to pick up the soul singer who does a Motown revue in the big auditorium. Jimmy called and asked if I’d be willing to fill in with the other comic Thomas Brown, and what was I going to say? Of course I’d help him out, he’s a great guy to work with and he was in a bind. That’s not the problem. The problem was there were a bunch of people in the big theatre who had no idea there was a change, and were not expecting to see comedians at all. Jimmy told us to each do a solid twenty minutes, and not talk to them. He suggested we hit it hard and keep moving, as many of them would probably be upset about the schedule change. At least he told us. Thomas has been doing ships a lot longer than I have, even though we’re close to being the same age. I told him I’d rather he went last, only because he’s got a lot more practical experience on ships than I do, and he’ll be a solid anchor to close the show. All either of us wanted was what‘s best for the show, and that attitude helped us survive a tough spot. I had one song by the band to try to warm the crowd up, and then it was me. I could feel their attitude from the first few seconds I got out there, and to make it even harder, Jimmy sat in the front row listening to my every peep. He’s my immediate supervisor while I’m on the ship, and it was distracting knowing he was there. It was pure stress the whole set. I’ve been in the business long enough where I can pull out a show somehow, even if it’s not the quality I want to give. This was an extra tricky situation because I’d already used a lot of my material during the Welcome Aboard show on Sunday night when they asked us to go a little longer. I would have been a lot more careful had I known the circumstances. Also, I still had to do not one but TWO more shows in the comedy club, and they were being billed as being two completely different shows. That’s a lot of material, and I didn’t want to be in that position, but I was. Trying to please everybody is the best way to please nobody, so I just sucked it up and did my best. They warmed up, but it took them a while. It wasn’t the show of my life, and I wouldn’t submit it to The Tonight Show, but for the circumstances, it was nothing short of miraculous. Every single day of my experience was needed to pull this one off, and I was soaked with sweat at the end. My nerves were shot. Thomas Brown went up and did a magnificent job. It was totally the right call to let him close it out, and he pulled out a beautiful audience participation bit which for this specific evening was absolutely perfect. He gets three men out of the audience and gets them to be his backup singers, and of course they all screw it up and look like idiots. It worked great. I don’t have anything even close to that in my trick bag, and it was a perfect way to ease any frustrations there may be with people who didn’t get what they wanted. The people he brought up were the stars, and Thomas didn’t waste any of his material. I totally respected his tenure on the ships, and I told him afterward that bit saved the entire show - and it did. This is just a different animal than comedy clubs. Unfortunately, a bit like that would be looked down on as ‘hack’ in most clubs, even though the audience loved it. But, in a time like tonight it was just what the doctor ordered. These people aren’t comedy purists, they aren’t even necessarily comedy fans. They’re impatient cruisers who wanted soul music. That’s the reality of this whole game - we are NOT the main attraction. I knew it before, but tonight drove it home about ten times harder. We’re time killers and things to do after dinner for the passengers. We’re there to sell drinks - period. It sure keeps a guy humble. We had a second show in the main lounge at 9pm. These people were a lot looser than that first bunch, and there were more of them. The main lounge is a gorgeous room and I always love to work stages like that. It’s so big and beautiful it’s hard to believe it’s on a ship, but it is. If I had my way I’d work venues like that every night. It feels like showbiz. The second crowd was a lot better, but of course Jimmy didn’t watch that one. His view of my ability, whatever it is, came from the first show and that’s how it will stay with him for life. Funny how things like that work, but they do. Whenever someone asks him how I am as a comic, he’ll immediately remember the first show tonight and form his opinion. It’s like that guy last night that thought I sucked. I’m sure he’s not thinking about me at all, but if he ever does, his opinion won’t be flattering. That’s just how it is. Strangers can be very cruel judges, but I guess that‘s their right. They don’t know how hard this all is. Right after the second show upstairs, I had to get down to the comedy club for my 9:30 show. I came off one stage soaked and went up within five minutes on the other. I didn’t think any of the same people would see me, but halfway through my set I saw the lines of people trickle in to the comedy club who had just seen me upstairs. Gulp. More trouble. That meant I had to steer away from material I’d done upstairs, and that can get to be an impossible task on such short notice. I like to go with the flow, but this wasn’t the time or place for that. I had to focus with all my energy and I felt like I was an NFL quarterback. Being on stage requires lightning quick reflexes and a clear mind to make decisions in a split second. I ended up doing four shows tonight, and by the end of it I feel like I climbed Mt. Everest and ran a marathon after that. I sure earned every penny of my pay this week.
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