A Waste Of A Week

Sunday December 2nd, 2007 - Rolla, MO/Lake Villa, IL

What a week. I’m SO glad it’s over but I won’t soon forget it. My odometer was just turning 500 miles as I pulled up in the snowy driveway of where I stay in Lake Villa. My roommate and her kids were gone and the house was dark and empty, just like my life. It added to my loneliness as I walked through the snow and hauled my bags into the house.

I just hurt all over right now. This week beat me up pretty badly on a lot of levels. First it was a lot of driving. I didn’t add it all up yet but I would bet it’s close to 1500 miles. My $800 Mitsubishi tin can auction special held up beautifully and I’m grateful but putting on that kind of mega-mileage every week is asking for trouble. I was lucky to make it home.

Second, the shows were just awful. Whether they’re dumb or southern or drunk or what kind of other excuse I can think of I was not a fit for this particular run. Usually I can find a way to pull out an acceptable show in most any situation but this week was a lost cause. I tried my best and every night except last night I got my pride and dignity handed to me.

Thirdly, I got totally ripped off money wise and there isn’t a thing I can do about it. This is a booking agency I’m not in with even though I worked hard to get my foot in the door. At first I agreed to do four nights because I had a gig on Saturday close to home. Then the company party came up and they offered me the extra night since I was already in Tulsa.

I was able to move the gig in the Chicago area to sometime next year and I took the gig in Tulsa thinking it would be good pay. Mistake. Then two days before I left the fallout on Wednesday came up and threw a monkey wrench into everything. The booker sent out an email that I didn’t get until I had already left so there was nothing I could do about it after the fact. I wasn’t thrilled with the fact that they didn’t pick up my hotel room Wednesday as a courtesy at the very least. I’ve had that happen before but these people didn’t do it.

Then on Saturday I looked at my pay structure for the week and I not only had to be the one to collect a ‘booking fee’ from the venues and send it to the booker the booker took a 10% commission out of the remainder from me. They are double dipping from both parties and that’s not right. Most bookers get a booking fee from the venue and our pay is ours. It works that way with just about everyone in the country except these guys and that stinks.

Especially after having the night fall out on such short notice. They could have waived a commission at the very least in my opinion but they surely didn’t. Then I see that I’m paid the same price for the holiday party I did as I got for the club gigs the rest of the week. No way. They must have charged at LEAST $1000 for that show and I did a fantastic job. To throw me $300 and take a 10% commission out of that is a total insult. I wasn’t thrilled.

The very least they could have done is split the company party money with me. That’s a high commission as it is since most parties like that have a 20-25% commission taken by a booker but it would have made it worth my while. Had I known I was going to get a night of club pay I’d have said no and taken the gig at home. I should have said no to the week.

All of this sounds like bitching and it is but there is a painful lesson to be learned here. In theory nothing they did was wrong. I’m an independent contractor that the agency hired in theory to do four shows for a certain amount of pay. Then a fifth show was available and I accepted it. A show fell out making it technically the four shows we originally agreed to at the outset. I was paid four nights pay at the rate that I was told I’d be paid at the outset.

Granted, I didn’t know about the commission system when I said yes and I didn’t know just how much they were charging the clubs each night for a ‘booking fee’ (40%!) but yes I agreed to do it. I had no idea the holiday party would be as big as it was and I know they got a nice chunk of change for that and kept it. It’s not the first time that’s happened but it sure does make me not wonder why entertainers can appear to be jerks when they make it.

Stories like this have gone on since the beginning of show business. People like me don’t have much choice and we really need the money so we do it and shut up. I could write one nasty letter and I’ve done it plenty of times but in the end what happens? I burn the bridge. But am I right? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that a bridge burned is hard to rebuild.

There are hundreds of other comedians who would be glad to get the week of work that I just did. If I complain to this booker I will get bumped off of the ‘to hire’ list and I really worked hard the past year to get on it. Burning the bridge now wouldn’t be smart but they don’t care about me either way. If I complain they’ll find some other dope who will do it.

I called a couple of friends of mine who have worked for these guys before and they said this is a way too common story. One friend said I could complain all I wanted but I would not get any more money and I wouldn’t get any more bookings either. I know he’s right so I didn’t argue with him. This is how it works sometimes and I have no bargaining chips.

The only real bargaining chips comedians have is a draw power which I don’t have. I’ve been trying to find a way to get one for over twenty years but it hasn’t happened yet. I am hoping my ‘King Of Uranus’ idea will help that along and that’s what I need to be thinking about rather than doing hell runs to Arkansas and Oklahoma. I got burned this week and it hurts but it’s over and now I need to put this in my past as fast as possible and move on.

Today was a long painful drive and I kept thinking about this whole scenario and how it happens to a lot of people and not just me. I have always been one to fight back and it has hurt me through the years because bookers and club owners are intimidated by somebody who causes waves. Had I been able to build a draw I’d be ok now but if I want to keep on working as a comedian I’ll shut up about this week and pay my commission and move on.

I surely won’t forget it though. Sometime in the future there may be a chance to get my money back and I’ll surely take it. Burning a bridge isn’t smart. Laying low and being on a list of people they contact for work is. There might be a way to collect in the future and it could come in all kinds of goofy ways. Blowing up now would make sure I don’t get back what I got shorted this week and I end up losing. That’s happened way too many times in the past and I need to shake this week off and focus on the new one. I‘ve got a lot to do.