Manic Martian Monday

Monday August 27th, 2007 - Chicago, IL

Lots going on today. On the cosmic calendar this is the day when Mars is closer to Earth than at any other time during the year. Allegedly. In 2003 it was as close to us as it will be for the next 40,000 years - give or take a few years of course. I don’t know how anyone is able to figure that out but what does it matter? If it’s wrong who will be able to prove it?

I am always reading tidbits about outer space and time travel and aliens and conspiracies because it helps me forget the insanity of what’s supposed to be ‘real life’. I’d much rather see a hovering space ship in the middle of a cornfield than have to watch any more of what Michael Vick is babbling about or whether Owen Wilson will ever get another movie deal.

Who really cares about that stuff? MILLIONS of idiots apparently. Don’t they have any hopes and dreams in their own lives? I remember being in LA during the OJ Simpson trial and there were people standing outside in Hollywood with billboards saying ‘Free OJ’ and ‘The Juice Should Be Loose’ and ‘Pray For #32’. I also remember walking up to a couple of these numbskulls and telling them they might want to worry about their own lives as he wasn’t going to be able to get out of his jail cell to see those signs. They weren’t moved.

It’s a good thing I’m not in charge. The world would be a LOT different. Michael Vick would be allowed to play football again…after spending a few nights on that rape stand he had set up for the dogs. Then just like those dogs if he lost a game he’d be drowned, shot or electrocuted. Or even worse, he’d have to watch Nicole Richie’s wedding or any one of Owen Wilson’s movies. Or maybe he could be a passenger in Lindsay Lohan’s car instead.

TV has been weaned out of my life to a great extent but I do have cable again so I take a minute to flick through the channels once in a while and all that was on today was Michael Vick and his ‘apology’. Right. Of course he ‘axed’ for the public’s forgiveness. I think that he deserves to get axed from the NFL but the Falcons didn’t even cut him. This is all a big circus and I’m sick of it. Turn off the cameras and let him go to jail and be someone’s little puppy maker. Maybe they could throw Phil Spector in there and they could write a song.

All kinds of goofy stories seemed to come to a head today. The Attorney General quit as of today and so did Bruce Cutler, Phil Spector’s lead attorney. He was also defended John Gotti so he’s got quite the resume. I’m surprised he didn’t defend Vick or Saddam as well.

Maybe Mars being so close to Earth has something to do with all this. I think it might be partially responsible for our audience at Zanies for Chicago Style Standups. They were not very upbeat and we had to work very hard to squeeze anything out of them. After that hot week in Memphis this was really a big letdown. The harder we tried the less they liked it.

Today was also my half brother’s 40th birthday. We haven’t emailed in a while so I sent a birthday wish and meant it. He is healing from all the pain my father caused us all and I am hoping we can meet up soon and start our own healing. This is a whole lot more important to me than worrying about my fantasy football quarterback or if Britney can keep the kids.