Rainy Day Reflections

Saturday August 4th, 2007 - Lake Villa, IL

There’s always something more to do. Today I spent a full twelve hour day working on my piles of stuff at home. I sorted and sifted and shifted and I did get a lot done but I have a ton more to go. I did a lot of little jobs I’ve been meaning to do since I moved in so that felt good but I can’t see myself staying here very long. I am not very happy here and want to be in the city again. That’s where I love to live and always have. This is not my thing.

Rather than whine and moan about it I knuckled down and got my work done. I am glad I am sorting all my notes and papers because that’s what takes up space. I filled up a large plastic garbage bag with papers I don’t need anymore and further pared down my physical possessions. I have a few more boxes to go but I can see the end of the rainbow. I will not let it get out of hand and keep on top of it so I won’t have to ever be disorganized again.

Tax stuff is another thing that’s always been a hassle. I need to get my taxes done for yet another year and my accountant has set up an appointment for next week. I just received a letter out of the blue from the state of Utah saying I under reported $10,000 of income for 2003. I didn’t live in Utah in 2003 so I need to get it taken care of so I don’t have to pay.

I am hypersensitive about anything tax related. I had some problems with not filing for a few years and I never want to have that situation again. I ended up getting a refund after it was all over but the process was a huge pain because I hired a ‘friend of a friend’ idiot that was in over his head and made the situation even worse. It ended up costing me a lot more to get them filed than it needed to and even with the refund it left a bad taste in my mouth.

The second guy I found wasn’t a friend or acquaintance or recommended by anyone. He had a sign on his building that said ‘Behind On Your Taxes? We Can Help!’ I drove past a zillion times and finally went inside to check it out. He sold me on giving him my business and he did a beautiful job so I’ve been going to him ever since. He’s been a total lifesaver.

Nobody needs tax hassles but entertainers are especially vulnerable. We are interested in our performing a lot more than our business but we are self employed and the government doesn’t care if we ‘meant to get that taken care of’. We have to DO it and a lot of us have problems at some point in our careers. George Carlin and Redd Foxx and a lot of others in comedy have had big time tax troubles and I don’t want that to be me. I don‘t need that.

I am getting better and better at keeping records because I have made it a point to do it. I report every dime I make even if it’s cash and all my sales of products too. I get a lot of deductions for travel and meals so it usually cancels itself out anyway and I don’t owe too much but just being able to sleep at night with a clear conscience is worth it all to me.

Slowly but surely I am getting myself in a position to focus on my next project. I hope it will be the radio job at the Loop but I haven’t heard anything in a while. It doesn’t mean it won’t happen though. Radio is like that. If I don’t get it I’ll still be in a position to go back out on the road with a vengeance. Either way I can’t see myself staying in Lake Villa long.

I want to be out there performing in the big time. This is anything but that. This is a little town that’s full of people that have done pretty well in their lives. They have families and a dog and all that goes with suburban life. It‘s a nice place in many ways it‘s just not for me.

There are well groomed yards and swing sets and pools and SUVs and all the trimmings of what success should bring. This isn’t a high crime area and people seem pretty friendly. If I had a wife and kids and ‘normal’ job I’d probably really like living out here but at this point in my life’s journey it just annoys me. I don’t want to discuss lawn care with people and I am not interested in having a beer on a deck and watching American Idol. Sorry.

I want a packed schedule of shows coming up in top clubs and venues all over America. I want some national TV exposure and a following of people who come to see me when I come to their town. I want to do lots of media when I’m in those towns and have all those people say ‘Wow, he’s super funny and a great guy too.’ That’s what I’ve prepared for all these years and to be living in a basement like a spider makes me feel like I’m a big failure.

It’s quiet out here and I’ve used my time pretty well so far. I’ve been here just over two months and I am already ready to move out. I sorted my belongings and still have more to do but in a pinch I could be out of here in a day or less. If I have a few more weeks to get myself even more organized it will be even less. If the Loop calls I will get an apartment in the city right away. If not, I’ll start to put together as much road work as I can to get on a one way trip out of here. I just don’t think this is the right place for me, at least not now.

This whole lifetime has been spent looking for where I’m supposed to be. I still have not found my groove and it’s really lonely and frustrating. When I’m on stage doing a show all is right with the world but then less than an hour later I’m back in some hotel room hoping my car starts in the morning for some 600 mile drive to the next town to do it all again. I’ll take that over living in Lake Villa but it’s still only a temporary fix. I want to find my niche and settle in somewhere. If it’s radio, great. The Loop is a top station and Max is a partner I want to work with and we could both make a nice career out of that job in a few years.

Comedy is my first love but not in it’s current state. I am drifting through and not where I need to be. Doing one nighters isn’t what floats my boat even though it puts a few bucks in my pocket. I want to work in theatres and be a draw and what I’m doing now isn’t what makes that happen. I need a break from somewhere and I don’t know where to find that.

All this is part of the game and I chose to play this game so I need to shut up and just do what I do and keep slugging. I am a seasoned professional standup comic and I have radio experience in several markets too. I have a killer life story that could be made into a movie and I also have experience teaching comedy classes. Somewhere in all of that I have to be able to make a nice living, wouldn’t you think? I am doing OK but I know I could be way better with just a phone call from someone who gives me that big break. I’ve been getting ready for it my whole life. Now I think it’s time for the payoff. But when and where will it be? I won’t know if I don’t keep trudging through the mud. It gets difficult and lonely but what else can I do but continue? I know I’m capable of success but I need a boost. Soon.