Turnaround In Topeka

Tuesday August 21st, 2007 - Topeka, KS

BIG breakthrough today. I stopped at Max’s house in Petersburg, IL to personally wish his son Dustin a happy birthday. I’ve known Dustin for several years now and he’s a super kid. Max is a great dad and it’s fun to see him grow up the right way. Today he turned 12.

That was the age when things started to fall apart for me because my grandparents got a divorce and it was very ugly. I was right in the middle of the war and it wasn’t a lot of fun. On second thought, it wasn’t ANY fun. Twelve is an age for having fun, not hating life.

Dustin and his sister Skylar had a couple of friends over and they lit up when I walked in the door. It never gets old to have somebody glad to see me and I handed him his birthday card with $12 in it and he loved it. A buck a year might be cheap these days but that’s how much I could give and I could tell he was just glad that I remembered it was his birthday.

I told him I would buy him lunch or anything he wanted to do but today was his first day of school and he already ate. He said he wanted to play a game of basketball so I said sure. It was Max and the boys against me and the girls and of course we got clobbered but they didn’t care and we all had a lot of laughs for about a half an hour. It was just good old fun and I would have LOVED to have my dad and his friend play basketball with me and mine on my twelfth birthday. I would have loved it on ANY birthday but I’ll never get it now so if Dustin could have it I’m thrilled to be part of it. Whether he remembers me or not isn’t a real issue. It’s that he and his dad got to be on the same team and play that game together. It will be a lifetime memory that he’ll never forget and it will always come back pleasant.

While we were playing basketball Max’s cell phone rang and he stopped to take the call. It was his wife telling him that her father was dying and might not make it through the day. Max didn’t tell me until after the game that that’s what the call was about as he didn’t feel he needed to ruin Dustin’s birthday like that. That’s his grandfather and the reason Max is living in the area is this is where his wife is from and he wanted his kids to be near so they could know their grandparents and have pleasant memories. His grandfather has been sick for a while with cancer and now it’s nearing the end. Max is planting some good seeds for both his kids and he sat and talked with me about all of it after the game was over. We had a very deep conversation about a lot of things but mostly about not getting the Loop job.

Max really wanted it just like I did. We both know we would have rocked that job but it didn’t go our way and there’s nothing we can do about it. Could it change? I guess so but we are both forced to make plans for the immediate future. Max is getting socked with his ice cream business because of bad weather and he’s working hard doing his radio show for the classic rock station in Springfield and selling air time too. He’s got a very full schedule and he can’t be farting around waiting for the Loop to call us and neither can I right now.

He is one of the few people I can really relate to and he feels the same about me. We sat in his living room for an hour just talking about life and what we should do and I knew I’d better get going soon but I also knew that Max and I both needed the time to talk this out.

I finally had to leave and I knew I’d cut it way short but I’d been to Topeka before so I knew it wasn’t a career maker. Hanging out with Max was a lot more important, at least today. Before I left Max gave me his copy of the Lucinda Bassett tape series about getting over anxiety and depression that are frequently advertised on TV and radio. I’ve heard the ads and thought about getting them but I never did for whatever reason. Maybe it was that I didn’t believe a tape series could help my deep seeded problems or maybe I thought they would be too expensive but for whatever reason I never did make the call to order them.

Max said he thought I’d get a lot out of them and I popped one in as I got back on I-55. It was like they were made especially for me and I popped one in after the next as I drove south toward St. Louis and then west toward Kansas City. She suffered from anxiety and rather than let it defeat her she did something about it and started this whole program. I’m very grateful to Max for letting me borrow it and it’s having a similar affect on me as back when I watched ‘The Secret’ for the first time. It pushed a lot of major buttons in my skull and I knew it was the right thing to hear as I was hearing it. This one hit me the same way.

No book or tape or speaker is going to ‘cure’ me of my depression and wacked head. I know that and it would be stupid to think anyone but ME is going to be the difference but it sure does feel good to know that other people are struggling with the same demons as I am and that they have had success in overcoming them. It’s an ongoing process that takes a constant focus but it can be improved and together with the help of the books and tapes and positive people there can indeed be major improvement and that really got me going.

Last night Tom Dreesen had some great points in his presentation too and together with the tapes I heard today I really enjoyed my 543 mile drive in the hot sun. I knew that I had a very narrow time window to make the show but I really thought it was important to stay and visit with Max and especially hang with Dustin on his birthday. I listened to that inner voice and that’s what I thought was best. As I got closer to Topeka I knew I’d cut it very close but instead of getting upset and angry and frustrated I just focused on me being there on stage and having a killer show and at the end hearing a huge ovation and getting paid.

The tapes talked a lot about visualizing the good rather than focusing on the bad or what the PERCEIVED bad will be when it hasn’t in reality even happened yet and may never at all. Rather than think of how angry the club owner would be I thought of how glad they all would be to see me and how I would go up and make it more than worth the wait for me.

I forced myself to focus on only that and I must admit it wasn’t easy. I pulled into the lot fifty minutes after show time and parked in a handicapped space because that’s all that was available and I sprinted into the club and the manager said ‘YOU would be the comedian.’

He wasn’t angry at all and said he was concerned but not worried and that I should relax and just get ready to go up and do my best. That was WAY cool of him and that’s exactly what happened. I tore the roof off the place tonight and people lined up to say how funny I was and it felt WONDERFUL. I’m not saying I’m at all ‘cured’ and out of the woods or anything like that but I’m marking this day as a very important key to my future success.